DISPENSING FORGIVENESS

 DISPENSING FORGIVENESS

 Gift of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a gift.  There is ‘giving’ in for-GIVE-ness.  (Thanks to the English language.)  To for-GIVE is also to fore-give; to give pardon ahead of penitence, or irrespective of whether the prodigal trespasser returns to request it.  Forgiveness is like an advance cheque (but not a blank cheque) when it is dispensed up front of apology.  It could be described as a response, where forgiveness had been asked.  It is like a dialogue, where both the penitent confession of the trespasser and the clement response from the forgiver grow into mutually sustained healthier exchanges between the parties.  Whether as advance cheque, as a response, or as a dialogue, there is still ‘giving’ in for-GIVE-ness.

Gift of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a gift.  There is ‘giving’ in for-GIVE-ness.  (Thanks to the English language.)  To for-GIVE is also to fore-give; to give pardon ahead of penitence, or irrespective of whether the prodigal trespasser returns to request it.  Forgiveness is like an advance cheque (but not a blank cheque) when it is dispensed up front of apology.  It could be described as a response, where forgiveness had been asked.  It is like a dialogue, where both the penitent confession of the trespasser and the clement response from the forgiver grow into mutually sustained healthier exchanges between the parties.  Whether as advance cheque, as a response, or as a dialogue, there is still ‘giving’ in for-GIVE-ness.

Sentimental souls often measure ‘love’ by the size and number of rose flowers offered; yet love may be measured as much by the forgiveness it ‘gives,’ by the largeness of heart that gives forgiveness.  Intangible for-GIVE-ness is no less a gift than tangible rose flowers.  It takes love to give as well as to for-give.  In fact, it takes a larger heart to give forgiveness, and that heart is preferable to the larger hand that gives rose flowers but hides a malicious and bitter heart that hoards hatred.  He probably loves more who forgives than who gives.  Love is expressed by what it gives, but all gifts are not material.  Some of the most precious gifts are not touch-able or see-able, yet are greatly feel-able.

Forgiveness does not suggest that the other party had done no wrong; forgiveness is merely a choice of the one party to not count the wrong against the other.  That is why they cannot get forgiveness who hardly agree that they have done anything wrong.  There is nothing to confess or receive forgiveness for when they ‘did nothing wrong.’

 

An Apostolic Definition of Love

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the Apostle Paul offers a definition of love that is rare.  If, according to that passage, love is patient (or gives patience), gives kindness, does not envy the other, is not proud in relating with the other, does not get soon angry, does not push itself up, does not believe the wrong about the other but ‘gives’ trust, etc., then true love is more a lifestyle than a moment’s gift, and we may measure it more by how it lives than by what it gives.  What true love gives is not as material as we would make of it.  Love is larger than the gifts it gives, deeper than the tender words it speaks, mightier than the material things by which it might sometimes be expressed.  In every giving, however, there should be a reciprocal receiving, as no gift is completely so without receiving.  All said, giving is merely one leg; receiving is the other leg.  Balance comes from both legs firmly on the ground.

 

Granting Forgiveness

Any gift may be hard to give, especially when it is costly; the same goes for forGIVEness.  The only way anyone can know that something has been given to them or to someone else is if the giver says so.  You cannot claim that the cake I intend to give to you is yours until I have said so.  Similarly, forgiveness is not merely wished to the other; it is given, and the giving is concretised and validated by the words that say so or show so.  When Joseph forgave his brothers, it was not with sealed lips.  The assurance was made in words.  The father of the Prodigal Son also, although he did not use the exact words, “I forgive you,” transacted words with the son, which expressed and conveyed assurance of the forgiveness.

Someone might wonder how to forgive.  The ‘how’ is primarily by words.  When people are unwilling to forgive, they often say it in words.  You probably have heard someone in their pain say, “I will never forgive him.”  Their unwillingness to forgive is expressed in words, so should forgiveness also be delivered in words, even though the words might be heavy and hard.

Sometimes people ask casually for forgiveness as if it were some cheap coin to be tossed at them as one walks on.  Forgiveness, especially when the trespasser has done nothing to merit it, can be a hard and painful sacrifice given only out of respect to the higher laws of life and living.  It should therefore not be trivialized by those who request it.  Only the one who has known the pains of the offence knows what it costs to forgive.

Because of the pains out of which forgiveness is procured, it is sometimes hard to say the words.  The way to birth forgiveness is still by saying the words.  Sometimes the deep pain in the heart still persists even after someone has said that they have forgiven, which makes them question if they have truly forgiven.  The persisting pains notwithstanding, speaking the words is where to start.  It is an assuring pronouncement to oneself and to the other(s).  With time, the willing heart will catch up with the reluctant legs; the heart, as it gradually heals, will feel less pain, and strengthen the legs to continue in the way.

 

Forgiveness by Choice

Forgiveness is a gift, and a gift is usually a choice that the giver makes.   A forced gift cannot be called a gift.   To that extent, even the gift of forgiveness can neither be forced upon someone nor compelled from someone.  God never forces anyone to forgive.  It is a choice that the forgiver has to make, which is why Jesus used the ‘if’ clause in addressing the subject in Mark 11:26: “But IF ye do not forgive…”  It is a choice, but a choice with relative repercussions, whichever way the choice goes.

Customised Forgiveness

No matter how generous forgiveness might be, it is not ambiguous.  Forgiveness is specific to an offence.  No forgiveness today covers for crimes tomorrow.  Every fresh trespass has to apply for its own pardon.  Every new offence needs its new forgiveness.  If someone kills my dog, for example, and repents, they will get forgiveness for that wrong regretted and confessed, but that does not licence them to proceed from that place of pardon and kill my goat tomorrow.  The offence in killing the goat will not be ignored because of the previous forgiveness for killing the dog.  If the same person should kill my sheep the next day, another file will be opened, which must also be addressed on its own merits.  Despite yesterday’s pardon for killing the dog, the same transgressor could go to jail tomorrow for killing the goat and the sheep.  How does Jesus address the matter?

And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him (Luke 17:4).

The implication of the verse above is that, for each of the seven trespasses, a confession is required or applied for.  Seven trespasses, seven returns and confessions; each trespass, its own confession.  The previous third confession will not answer for the fresh fourth or fifth trespass.  However, one confession coming after the seventh trespass may answer for all previous offences, and one might then not have to name the offences one by one, number by number.  According to Acts 17:30, “the times of this ignorance God winked at; but NOW commandeth all men every where to repent.”  It is taken that the past was a ‘time of ignorance’ when the trespasser did not know what they were doing.   Repentance that comes from the point of awareness cancels all previous sins.

To be continued …