“These all died in faith.” Hebrews 11:13 “这些人都是存着信心死的。” 希伯来书 11:13 ; « Tous ces hommes sont morts dans la foi. » Hébreux 11:13

 “These all died in faith.” “这些人都是存着信心死的。”

希伯来书 11:13 ; « Tous ces hommes sont morts dans la foi. » Hébreux 11:13

Hebrews 11:13

Behold the epitaph of all those blessed saints who fell asleep before the coming of our Lord! It matters nothing how else they died, whether of old age, or by violent means; this one point, in which they all agree, is the most worthy of record, “they all died in faith.” In faith they lived—it was their comfort, their guide, their motive and their support; and in the same spiritual grace they died, ending their life-song in the sweet strain in which they had so long continued. They did not die resting in the flesh or upon their own attainments; they made no advance from their first way of acceptance with God, but held to the way of faith to the end. Faith is as precious to die by as to live by.

Dying in faith has distinct reference to the past. They believed the promises which had gone before, and were assured that their sins were blotted out through the mercy of God. Dying in faith has to do with the present. These saints were confident of their acceptance with God, they enjoyed the beams of his love, and rested in his faithfulness. Dying in faith looks into the future. They fell asleep, affirming that the Messiah would surely come, and that when he would in the last days appear upon the earth, they would rise from their graves to behold him. To them the pains of death were but the birth-pangs of a better state. Take courage, my soul, as thou readest this epitaph. Thy course, through grace, is one of faith, and sight seldom cheers thee; this has also been the pathway of the brightest and the best. Faith was the orbit in which these stars of the first magnitude moved all the time of their shining here; and happy art thou that it is thine. Look anew tonight to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith, and thank Him for giving thee like precious faith with souls now in glory. 

Voici l'épitaphe de tous ces saints bienheureux qui se sont endormis avant la venue de notre Seigneur ! Qu'importe la manière dont ils sont morts, de vieillesse ou de mort violente ; ce point, sur lequel ils s'accordent tous, est le plus digne d'être consigné : « ils sont tous morts dans la foi ». C'est dans la foi qu'ils ont vécu – elle était leur réconfort, leur guide, leur motivation et leur soutien ; et c'est dans cette même grâce spirituelle qu'ils sont morts, achevant leur vie sur la douce mélodie qui les avait si longtemps accompagnés. Ils ne sont pas morts en se reposant sur leurs biens matériels ou sur leurs propres accomplissements ; ils n'ont pas dévié de leur chemin initial d'acceptation auprès de Dieu, mais sont restés fidèles à la voie de la foi jusqu'à la fin. La foi est aussi précieuse pour mourir que pour vivre.

Mourir dans la foi se rapporte indéniablement au passé. Ils croyaient aux promesses faites auparavant et avaient l'assurance que leurs péchés étaient effacés par la miséricorde de Dieu. Mourir dans la foi concerne aussi le présent. Ces saints étaient confiants dans leur acceptation par Dieu, ils goûtaient à la lumière de son amour et trouvaient le repos en sa fidélité. Mourir dans la foi, c'est se tourner vers l'avenir. Ils s'endormirent, affirmant que le Messie viendrait assurément et que, lorsqu'il apparaîtrait sur terre dans les derniers jours, ils se lèveraient de leurs tombeaux pour le contempler. Pour eux, les douleurs de la mort n'étaient que les douleurs de l'enfantement d'un état meilleur. Prends courage, mon âme, en lisant cette épitaphe. Ton chemin, par la grâce, est celui de la foi, et la vue te réconforte rarement ; tel a été aussi le chemin des plus brillants et des meilleurs. La foi fut l'orbite sur laquelle ces étoiles de première magnitude ont évolué tout au long de leur existence terrestre ; et heureux es-tu qu'elle soit tienne. Ce soir, tourne ton regard vers Jésus, l'auteur et le consommateur de ta foi, et remercie-le de t'avoir donné une foi aussi précieuse que celle des âmes désormais dans la gloire.  

请看，所有在主降临之前安息的圣徒们的墓志铭！无论他们如何离世，是寿终正寝还是死于非命，都无关紧要；他们一致认同的一点，才是最值得铭记的：“他们都死于信德之中。”他们因信而生——信是他们的安慰、指引、动力和依靠；他们也同样在属灵的恩典中离世，以他们长久以来吟唱的甜美旋律，结束了他们的人生之歌。他们并非安于肉体或依靠自身的成就而死；他们没有偏离最初蒙神悦纳的道路，而是始终坚守信心的道路。因信而死，如同因信而生一样宝贵。

因信而死与过去有着密切的联系。他们相信先前的应许，并确信他们的罪已因神的怜悯而被赦免。因信而死也与现在息息相关。 这些圣徒深信自己蒙神悦纳，沐浴在祂慈爱的光辉中，安息在祂的信实里。凭着信心离世，便是展望未来。他们安然长眠，坚信弥赛亚必将降临，当祂在末日显现于世时，他们必将从坟墓中复活，亲眼目睹祂。对他们而言，死亡的痛苦不过是通往更美好境界的阵痛。我的灵魂啊，当你读到这篇墓志铭时，请鼓起勇气。你因着恩典而走的道路是一条信心的道路，而眼见鲜少能让你感到慰藉；这条路也曾是那些最耀眼、最杰出之人走过的。信心是这些一等星辰在世间闪耀时所遵循的轨道；而你，因拥有这信心而感到无比幸福。今晚，请再次仰望耶稣，你信心的创始成终者，感谢祂赐予你与如今在荣耀中的灵魂一样宝贵的信心。

Ukrainian: Ось епітафія всіх тих блаженних святих, які померли перед пришестям нашого Господа! Не має значення, як ще вони померли, чи від старості, чи насильницьким шляхом; цей один пункт, у якому всі погоджуються, є найбільш гідним запису: «усі вони померли з вірою». З вірою вони жили — вона була їхньою втіхою, їхнім дороговказом, їхнім мотивом і їхньою підтримкою; і в тій самій духовній благодаті вони померли, завершивши свою життєву пісню в солодкому співі, в якому вони так довго перебували. Вони не померли, спочиваючи в плоті чи на власних досягненнях; вони не просунулися від свого першого шляху прийняття Богом, але трималися шляху віри до кінця. Віра така ж цінна для смерті, як і для життя.

Смерть з вірою має чітке відношення до минулого. Вони вірили в обіцянки, які були дані раніше, і були впевнені, що їхні гріхи були стерті завдяки милосердю Бога. Смерть з вірою пов'язана з сьогоденням. Ці святі були впевнені у своєму прийнятті Богом, вони насолоджувалися променями Його любові та спочивали в Його вірності. Вмираючи з вірою, вони дивляться в майбутнє. Вони заснули, стверджуючи, що Месія неодмінно прийде, і що коли він в останні дні з'явиться на землі, вони встануть зі своїх могил, щоб побачити його. Для них муки смерті були лише родовими муками кращого стану. Будь мужня, душе моя, читаючи цю епітафію. Твій шлях, через благодать, є шляхом віри, і зір рідко тішить тебе; це також був шлях найяскравіших і найкращих. Віра була орбітою, по якій рухалися ці зірки першої величини весь час свого сяйва тут; і щаслива ти, що вона твоя. Звернися сьогодні ввечері знову до Ісуса, творця і завершителя твоєї віри, і подякуй Йому за те, що Він дав тобі таку ж дорогоцінну віру з душами, які зараз у славі. 

Osʹ epitafiya vsikh tykh blazhennykh svyatykh, yaki pomerly pered pryshestyam nashoho Hospoda! Ne maye znachennya, yak shche vony pomerly, chy vid starosti, chy nasylʹnytsʹkym shlyakhom; tsey odyn punkt, u yakomu vsi pohodzhuyutʹsya, ye naybilʹsh hidnym zapysu: «usi vony pomerly z viroyu». Z viroyu vony zhyly — vona bula yikhnʹoyu vtikhoyu, yikhnim dorohovkazom, yikhnim motyvom i yikhnʹoyu pidtrymkoyu; i v tiy samiy dukhovniy blahodati vony pomerly, zavershyvshy svoyu zhyttyevu pisnyu v solodkomu spivi, v yakomu vony tak dovho perebuvaly. Vony ne pomerly, spochyvayuchy v ploti chy na vlasnykh dosyahnennyakh; vony ne prosunulysya vid svoho pershoho shlyakhu pryynyattya Bohom, ale trymalysya shlyakhu viry do kintsya. Vira taka zh tsinna dlya smerti, yak i dlya zhyttya.

Smertʹ z viroyu maye chitke vidnoshennya do mynuloho. Vony viryly v obitsyanky, yaki buly dani ranishe, i buly vpevneni, shcho yikhni hrikhy buly sterti zavdyaky myloserdyu Boha. Smertʹ z viroyu pov'yazana z sʹohodennyam. Tsi svyati buly vpevneni u svoyemu pryynyatti Bohom, vony nasolodzhuvalysya promenyamy Yoho lyubovi ta spochyvaly v Yoho virnosti. Vmyrayuchy z viroyu, vony dyvlyatʹsya v maybutnye. Vony zasnuly, stverdzhuyuchy, shcho Mesiya neodminno pryyde, i shcho koly vin v ostanni dni z'yavytʹsya na zemli, vony vstanutʹ zi svoyikh mohyl, shchob pobachyty yoho. Dlya nykh muky smerti buly lyshe rodovymy mukamy krashchoho stanu. Budʹ muzhnya, dushe moya, chytayuchy tsyu epitafiyu. Tviy shlyakh, cherez blahodatʹ, ye shlyakhom viry, i zir ridko tishytʹ tebe; tse takozh buv shlyakh nayyaskravishykh i naykrashchykh. Vira bula orbitoyu, po yakiy rukhalysya tsi zirky pershoyi velychyny vesʹ chas svoho syayva tut; i shchaslyva ty, shcho vona tvoya. Zvernysya sʹohodni vvecheri znovu do Isusa, tvortsya i zavershytelya tvoyeyi viry, i podyakuy Yomu za te, shcho Vin dav tobi taku zh dorohotsinnu viru z dushamy, yaki zaraz u slavi.

John 17:15 “I pray not that thou shouldst take them out of the world.” ~ « Je prie pour que vous ne les retiriez pas du monde. » “我祈求你们不要把他们从这个世界上带走。”

 “I pray not that thou shouldst take them out of the world.” ~ John 17:15 « Je prie pour que vous ne les retiriez pas du monde. » “我祈求你们不要把他们从这个世界上带走。”

It is a sweet and blessed event which will occur to all believers in God’s own time—the going home to be with Jesus. In a few more years the Lord’s soldiers, who are now fighting “the good fight of faith” will have done with conflict, and have entered into the joy of their Lord. But although Christ prays that his people may eventually be with him where he is, he does not ask that they may be taken at once away from this world to heaven. He wishes them to stay here. Yet how frequently does the wearied pilgrim put up the prayer, “O that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away and be at rest;” but Christ does not pray like that, he leaves us in his Father’s hands, until, like shocks of corn fully ripe, we shall each be gathered into our Master’s garner. Jesus does not plead for our instant removal by death, for to abide in the flesh is needful for others if not profitable for ourselves. He asks that we may be kept from evil, but he never asks for us to be admitted to the inheritance in glory till we are of full age. Christians often want to die when they have any trouble. Ask them why, and they tell you, “Because we would be with the Lord.” We fear it is not so much because they are longing to be with the Lord, as because they desire to get rid of their troubles; else they would feel the same wish to die at other times when not under the pressure of trial. They want to go home, not so much for the Saviour’s company, as to be at rest. Now it is quite right to desire to depart if we can do it in the same spirit that Paul did, because to be with Christ is far better, but the wish to escape from trouble is a selfish one. Rather let your care and wish be to glorify God by your life here as long as he pleases, even though it be in the midst of toil, and conflict, and suffering, and leave him to say when “it is enough.” 

“我不求你叫他们离开世界。”——约翰福音 17:15

对于所有信徒来说，在神所定的时间里，回到天家与耶稣基督同在，是一件甜蜜而蒙福的事。再过几年，那些如今正在“为真道打那美好的仗”的主的战士们，将结束一切争战，进入主的喜乐之中。虽然基督祈求他的子民最终能与他同在，但他并没有祈求他们立刻离开这个世界，升入天堂。他希望他们留在世上。然而，疲惫的朝圣者常常会这样祷告：“但愿我有鸽子的翅膀，好飞走，得享安息。”但基督的祷告并非如此，他将我们交托在天父的手中，直到我们如同成熟的麦穗，被收进我们主的粮仓。 耶稣并没有恳求我们立刻以死亡离开人世，因为即便对我们自身无益，留在世上对他人也是必要的。他祈求我们远离罪恶，但他从未要求我们等到完全成年才能承受荣耀的产业。基督徒常常在遇到任何困境时都渴望死亡。问他们为什么，他们会说：“因为我们想与主同在。”我们担心，这并非因为他们渴望与主同在，而是因为他们想要摆脱困境；否则，即使没有经历试炼的压力，他们也会有同样的求死之心。他们想要回家，与其说是为了与救主同在，不如说是为了安息。如果我们能像使徒保罗那样怀着同样的灵性去离世，那么渴望离世是完全可以的，因为与基督同在远胜于此；但想要逃避困境却是自私的。 与其如此，不如让你的关心和愿望是，只要上帝愿意，就用你的一生来荣耀他，即使是在辛劳、冲突和痛苦之中，然后让他说“够了”。

« Je ne prie pas que tu les retires du monde. » ~ Jean 17:15

C’est un événement doux et béni qui arrivera à tous les croyants en son temps : le retour auprès de Jésus-Christ. Dans quelques années, les soldats du Seigneur, qui mènent aujourd’hui le bon combat de la foi, auront vaincu les épreuves et entreront dans la joie de leur Seigneur. Mais bien que le Christ prie pour que son peuple puisse un jour le rejoindre là où il est, il ne demande pas qu’il soit immédiatement emmené au ciel. Il souhaite qu’il demeure ici-bas. Pourtant, combien de fois le pèlerin fatigué s’écrie-t-il : « Si seulement j’avais des ailes comme la colombe ! Je m’envolerais et trouverais le repos ! » Mais le Christ ne prie pas ainsi ; il nous confie à son Père, jusqu’à ce que, tels des gerbes de blé mûres, nous soyons tous rassemblés dans le grenier de notre Maître. Jésus ne plaide pas pour notre mort immédiate, car demeurer dans la chair est nécessaire aux autres, même si cela ne nous est pas profitable. Il nous demande d'être préservés du mal, mais il ne nous demande jamais d'être admis à l'héritage glorieux avant notre majorité. Souvent, les chrétiens souhaitent mourir lorsqu'ils rencontrent des difficultés. Interrogez-les sur les raisons de ce désir, et ils vous répondront : « Parce que nous voulons être avec le Seigneur. » Nous craignons que ce ne soit pas tant par désir d'être avec le Seigneur que par volonté de se débarrasser de leurs problèmes ; sinon, ils éprouveraient le même désir de mourir en d'autres circonstances, hors de l'épreuve. Ils veulent rentrer chez eux, moins pour la compagnie du Sauveur que pour trouver le repos. Or, il est tout à fait légitime de désirer partir si nous pouvons le faire dans le même esprit que l'apôtre Paul, car être avec le Christ est infiniment préférable ; mais le désir d'échapper aux difficultés est un désir égoïste. Que votre souci et votre souhait soient plutôt de glorifier Dieu par votre vie ici-bas aussi longtemps qu'il le souhaite, même si c'est au milieu des labeurs, des conflits et des souffrances, et laissez-le dire quand « cela suffit ».

Song of Solomon 2:1 雅歌 2:1

 “I am the rose of Sharon.”

Song of Solomon 2:1

“我是沙仑的玫瑰。”——《雅歌》2:1

Whatever there may be of beauty in the material world, Jesus Christ possesses all that in the spiritual world in a tenfold degree. Amongst flowers the rose is deemed the sweetest, but Jesus is infinitely more beautiful in the garden of the soul than the rose can be in the gardens of earth. He takes the first place as the fairest among ten thousand. He is the sun, and all others are the stars; the heavens and the day are dark in comparison with him, for the King in his beauty transcends all. “I am the rose of Sharon.” This was the best and rarest of roses. Jesus is not “the rose” alone, he is “the rose of Sharon,” just as he calls his righteousness “gold,” and then adds, “the gold of Ophir”—the best of the best. He is positively lovely, and superlatively the loveliest. There is variety in his charms. The rose is delightful to the eye, and its scent is pleasant and refreshing; so each of the senses of the soul, whether it be the taste or feeling, the hearing, the sight, or the spiritual smell, finds appropriate gratification in Jesus. Even the recollection of his love is sweet. Take the rose of Sharon, and pull it leaf from leaf, and lay by the leaves in the jar of memory, and you shall find each leaf fragrant long afterwards, filling the house with perfume. Christ satisfies the highest taste of the most educated spirit to the very full. The greatest amateur in perfumes is quite satisfied with the rose: and when the soul has arrived at her highest pitch of true taste, she shall still be content with Christ, nay, she shall be the better able to appreciate him. Heaven itself possesses nothing which excels the rose of Sharon. What emblem can fully set forth his beauty? Human speech and earth-born things fail to tell of him. Earth’s choicest charms commingled, feebly picture his abounding preciousness. Blessed rose, bloom in my heart forever!

“我是沙仑的玫瑰。”——《雅歌》2:1

无论物质世界存在何种美，耶稣基督在灵性世界中拥有的美，都要加倍。在百花之中，玫瑰被认为是最甜美的，但耶稣基督在灵魂的花园里，比玫瑰在尘世的花园里还要美丽得多。祂是万千美人中最美的。祂是太阳，其他一切都如同星辰；与祂相比，天地都黯然失色，因为君王的荣美超越一切。“我是沙仑的玫瑰。”这是最美、最稀有的玫瑰。耶稣基督不仅仅是“玫瑰”，祂是“沙仑的玫瑰”，正如祂称自己的义为“金子”，并补充说“俄斐的金子”——至高无上的金子。祂的确美丽，而且是至美至尊。祂的魅力丰富多彩。 玫瑰赏心悦目，香气怡人；同样，灵魂的每一种感官，无论是味觉、触觉、听觉、视觉，还是灵性的嗅觉，都能在耶稣基督里找到恰当的满足。甚至连回忆他的爱都令人感到甜蜜。摘下沙仑玫瑰，一片一片地摘下来，放在记忆的罐子里，你会发现每一片叶子都会在很久之后依然芬芳，让整个屋子都弥漫着香气。基督完全满足了最有学识的灵魂的最高品味。即使是最业余的香水爱好者也会对玫瑰感到满意：当灵魂达到真正品味的最高境界时，她仍然会满足于基督，不，她会更能欣赏他。天堂里也没有什么能胜过沙仑玫瑰。有什么象征物能完全展现他的美丽呢？人类的语言和世间万物都无法描述他。即使将世间最美好的事物混合在一起，也难以描绘他的珍贵。 神圣的玫瑰，请永远在我心中绽放！

Song of Solomon 5:13 雅歌 5:13

 “His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers.” ~ Song of Solomon 5:13 “他的脸颊如同香料铺成的床，如同芬芳的花朵。”——《雅歌》5:13

Lo, the flowery month is come! March winds and April showers have done their work, and the earth is all bedecked with beauty. Come my soul, put on thine holiday attire and go forth to gather garlands of heavenly thoughts. Thou knowest whither to betake thyself, for to thee “the beds of spices” are well known, and thou hast so often smelt the perfume of “the sweet flowers,” that thou wilt go at once to thy well-beloved and find all loveliness, all joy in him. That cheek once so rudely smitten with a rod, oft bedewed with tears of sympathy and then defiled with spittle—that cheek as it smiles with mercy is as fragrant aromatic to my heart. Thou didst not hide thy face from shame and spitting, O Lord Jesus, and therefore I will find my dearest delight in praising thee. Those cheeks were furrowed by the plough of grief, and crimsoned with red lines of blood from thy thorn-crowned temples; such marks of love unbounded cannot but charm my soul far more than “pillars of perfume.” If I may not see the whole of his face I would behold his cheeks, for the least glimpse of him is exceedingly refreshing to my spiritual sense and yields a variety of delights. In Jesus I find not only fragrance, but a bed of spices; not one flower, but all manner of sweet flowers. He is to me my rose and my lily, my heartsease and my cluster of camphire. When he is with me it is May all the year round, and my soul goes forth to wash her happy face in the morning-dew of his grace, and to solace herself with the singing of the birds of his promises. Precious Lord Jesus, let me in very deed know the blessedness which dwells in abiding, unbroken fellowship with thee. I am a poor worthless one, whose cheek thou hast deigned to kiss! O let me kiss thee in return with the kisses of my lips.

"Lo" is an exclamation used to call attention or to express wonder or surprise. It is often used in older texts to direct someone's focus to something interesting.

Deigned means to do something that one considers beneath their dignity; it often implies condescension or a reluctance to engage in an action. 

看哪，花开的月份来了！三月的风和四月的雨已完成它们的使命，大地被美丽装点。来吧，我的灵魂，穿上你节日的盛装，去采摘天国思想的花环。你知道该往哪里去，因为你熟悉“香料的床榻”，你曾多次嗅到“芬芳花朵”的芬芳，你会立刻奔向你挚爱的人，在他那里找到一切美好，一切喜乐。那曾被棍棒粗暴击打的脸颊，常常沾满同情的泪水，又被唾沫玷污——那因怜悯而微笑的脸颊，对我的心来说，如同芬芳的芬芳。主耶稣啊，你没有掩面躲避羞辱和唾沫，因此，我将以赞美你为我最深切的喜乐。你的脸颊曾被悲伤的犁铧犁出皱纹，被荆棘冠冕般的太阳穴渗出的鲜血染红； 如此无限的爱，远胜过“香水柱”，更能令我心醉神迷。即便无法得见祂的全貌，我愿瞻仰祂的双颊，因为哪怕只是瞥见祂，也足以令我的灵性焕然一新，带来种种喜乐。在耶稣基督里，我不仅找到了芬芳，更找到了一片香料的花海；不是一朵花，而是各种各样芬芳的花朵。祂是我的玫瑰，我的百合，我的心肝宝贝，我的樟树丛。与祂同在，仿佛一年四季都是五月，我的灵魂便会沐浴在祂恩典的晨露中，在祂应许的鸟儿的歌声中得到慰藉。亲爱的主耶稣，愿我真切地体验到与您永不分离的团契所带来的福乐。我卑微无用，却蒙您垂怜亲吻我的脸颊！哦，愿我以我的唇吻回敬您。

 “Lo”是一个感叹词，用于引起注意或表达惊奇或惊讶。它常用于古代文献中，引导人们的注意力集中到有趣的事物上。

“deigned”的意思是做某事有损尊严；它通常暗示着居高临下或不愿参与某项行动。

The Preeminence Of Christ

 The Preeminence Of Christ

This is an except from Dr. Holland's book, Crowned With Glory.

Some have proclaimed that modern versions or their Greek texts deny the deity of Jesus Christ. Certainly there are some, such as the New World Translation, that seek to diminish Christ's deity. It is also true that some versions are stronger regarding Christ's deity than others. While most translations clearly and strongly proclaim this basic biblical truth, the Traditional Text does present a stronger Christology regarding His deity (Matthew 19:16-17; Romans 14:10, 12; Philippians 2:6; 1Timothy 3:16; 1John 5:7; and Revelation 1:8, 11).

Additionally, other aspects of Christology are more strongly presented in the Traditional Text. For example, in Luke 2:33, 43 the Traditional Text calls the stepfather of Christ by his name and separates him from the person of Mary. We read, "Joseph and his mother marvelled" and "Joseph and his mother knew not of it." However, the Critical Text changes "Joseph" to "father," making the texts read "his father and mother marveled" and "his father and mother knew not of it." Such readings do not in themselves deny the virgin birth of Christ; still the reading found in the Traditional Text upholds this doctrine and removes any possible confusion in this regard.

The same may be said of Christ's redemption. Again, the truth of salvation is found in all Greek texts and English translations. Yet, certain aspects are presented more forcefully in the Traditional Text and the KJV in certain places. We are told that we have redemption "through his blood" in Colossians 1:14. The Critical Text does not contain this phrase at this place, though it does appear in all texts in Ephesians 1:7. This raises two questions. First, why would the phrase be found in Paul's letter to the Ephesians and not in his letter to the Colossians? Second, how is it possible to have redemption without divine payment for that redemption? Clearly the phrase should remain in regard to this doctrine. The Greek manuscripts are evenly divided as to its inclusion or omission. This can be demonstrated with the two editions of the Majority Text. The internal evidence, based on Ephesians 1:7, would argue for its inclusion in that the phrase is used by Paul elsewhere and is consistent with what he would have written. Overall, when we consider other textual sources, the reading must remain because it is biblical and in character with Paul's other writings.

An additional example concerns 1Peter 2:2. We are told in the Traditional Text that as newborn babies in Christ we should "desire the sincere milk of the word that ye may grow thereby." The Greek phrase found in the Traditional Text reads ina en auto auxethete (that ye may grow). The Critical Text adds eis soterian (to salvation) at the end of the phrase, suggesting that salvation is something we grow to. This is why the NRSV renders the phrase as "that by it you may grow into salvation." Certainly the reading of the Traditional Text omits the confusion and provides a stronger Christology here regarding redemption.

In regard to Christ, Paul reminds us that "in all things he might have the preeminence" (Colossians 1:18). If Christ is to have the preeminence in all things, this would include Bible translations. Just as one can use a modern version to prove the deity of Christ, so modern versions proclaim the person of Jesus Christ. Though this may not be in question, divine names are not always as strongly proclaimed in the Critical Text. Instead of phrases such as "Lord Jesus Christ" we might find "Jesus Christ" or "Jesus." In fact, there are about two hundred such examples found in the New Testament where the expanded title is found in the Traditional Text.

Sometimes a simple omission has profound impact. 1John 1:7 is a good illustration of this. The Traditional Text reads, "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin." Modern versions based on the Alexandrian textual line read "Jesus" instead of "Jesus Christ." The difference seems small on the surface, but we must remember that John wrote this epistle to confront the heresy of Gnosticism. The Gnostics taught that Jesus and Christ were two separate entities. Jesus, they said, was born of Joseph and Mary and was physical. At his baptism the Christ, who was spiritual, was said to have entered into him. At this point, according to the Gnostics, Jesus became Jesus Christ. At his crucifixion, the Gnostics claimed that the Christ left, leaving only Jesus to die. At the resurrection, the disciples saw the spirit Christ, but the mortal Jesus remained dead. Once we understand the heresy John was confronting, the differences between the two readings becomes abundantly clear. If John had written "the blood of Jesus" he would have been making a statement that the Gnostics would have been in agreement with. After all, they believed that it was Jesus who shed his blood. But by writing "the blood of Jesus Christ," John was making a direct assault on this Gnostic heresy.

SIN BRING YOU DOWN LOW

 So good to be in the house of the Lord. There are many folks that could not be here. Some are  suffering sickness or sickness in the family. We pray for you. Those are watching online. We miss you, but we're thinking about you and we're praying for you, too.  I'm so glad you're here today. God is doing great things in your life, and this just the beginning. 

   God is transforming you. And that is what it is all about. It is a daily process. It is not a one-day trip. It is not a hundred yard dash. It is a long marathon. It is a life long journey. 

 And we are to be changed into His image from glory to glory, step by step. 

 I've said before, you can experience everything that the devil has to offer in one day. You can smoke it up. You can shoot it up. You can drink it. You can eat it. You can do it. You can commit every immorality under the sun. You can kill, cheat, lie. Everything you could do in one day, but you can't experience everything that God has to offer in one day. That's right. 

     And the difference between the two is that the devil is in a business of destroying and destruction. God is in a business of building up. 

  You can tear down a building in one day, but you can't build it up in one day. Well, nowadays, technically, you probably could, but they usually don't. By the time you get through with the approvals and get the materials and supplies together and get the work done and in the right order and get the inspectors out and get you to put it up. 

Listen, you cannot build a building in one day. And God is busy working on us. He makes sure the  foundation is right and he builds us up, step by step. He wants to make sure that what he's building in you will stand when the storms come. 

 It's a day-by-day process.  The devil, he's in a destruction business. The thief cometh not but to steal, kill, and to destroy. 

 But l am come that you might have life and that you might have it more abundantly. 

 And you've got to learn the principles of the life step by step by step and allow God to make changes in your life, mone day at a time, one one glorious experience at a time. And that's what church is all about. And we're still here. One of my favorite verses in Mark where it says, "And again, Jesus entered capital." And again, Jesus went, he kept going back. 

He kept going to church. Just like you and I are doing. Man, there's more to that. That's not my message today. 

 Well, I've got a burden to really preach something that is very unpopular and it's not a popular thing, you know, but it is necessary.     

 It's central to the gospel and the reason that we preach the gospel, it is sin. 

 Who in the world likes to hear about sin? Oh, preach it. Preach to me about faith and the love of God and the grace of God and and the goodness of God. Yes. God is all that. 

But we can't have that if we don't deal with sin. 

And God knows that because he's holy and he just can't allow sin to come to heaven. And in order for us to enjoy all the benefits of heaven and all the  goodness of God, he's got to deal with our sin. Right. 

And you and I have got to have eyes and an awareness of sin, to guard against it less we treat it less than what it is. Because God takes it very  seriously. He cannot violate His own nature. He cannot allow sin in. 

And he has a method that he deals with us and he had a plan and that's what Easter was all about to deal with our sin. So that we can go where he is. 

 A little bit more about that later. But I want to take your attention to Psalms chapter 106 verse 43. Psalms 106.  Thank you Jesus. And I'm going to read this one verse, but I I'm going to come back and read some verses from it later on too. As the psalmist here focuses on a variety of sins as the history of Israel is recounted to us. 

And it's one verse, verse 43, Psalms 106:43. And it says this, "Many times did he deliver them." , speaking of God delivering Israel. But they Israel provoked HIM with their counsel and were brought low for their iniquity. 

 They were brought low. Everybody say, "brought low." Brought low.  The Holman Christian Standard Bible says this. He rescued them many times, but they continued to rebel deliberately and were beaten down by their sins. 

 They're beat, you know, sin beats you up. Sin beats you down.  Sin devastates you. Sin hurts you. 

 God knows it. And too often we refuse to accept the fact that it does. 

 But they were brought low for their iniquity. I want to talk to you about this verse of scripture with my title. 

Sin brings you down low. Sin brings you down low. 

 Let's pray one more time. 

🙏🏽: " Lord Jesus Christ, thank you for your Word. We thank you for your Presence. We thank you for all the folks that are here in this auditorium today. And we are thankful above all for your presence. For you said, "Where two or three are gathered in your name, you're in the midst of them." And we do not take your Presence for granted. For by your promise, which we stand upon it, Lord, we know you're here, oh God. This is your church. You purchased it with your own blood. This is your Word. Help me to reach it accordingly. Oh Lord, touch the people's hearts and their minds. And Lord, let your Word sink deep down in our hearts and our spirit to help us to be changed and be transformed in our hearts and our minds and our lives. In Jesus mighty Name we pray, and let the church say amen. (Amen). 

God bless you. You may be seated. Thank you for standing so long.

Why talk about sin again? We have to talk about sin because it's what thrusts the world into chaos. It's the most destructive force in the universe. Sin destroys lives. It destroys lives more than anything else in the world. Sin is what separates you and I from God. I think we know that. And God declares   that all have sinned and have come short of the glory of God. 

 See, I'm not pointing fingers at anybody. When you come here and we talk about sin. We're not here to point fingers at you. I'm not pointing fingers. I'm a sinner saved by grace. I have sinned and have come short of the glory of God. You have sinned and have come short of the glory of God. It is God who's pointing the finger. Amen. We're not pointing fingers at each other. We're talking about getting close to God. But there's a problem. 

 We have a sin problem inside of us. And God declares that we are all sinners. You, me, and everyone. No exceptions. We all live with it. We have to deal with it. And we can't live in denial about it. 

It's like getting cancer or some kind of disease, some sickness that we have to face. We have to accept, I'm not saying accept it, but we have to be aware of it. We have to take note of it and do something about it. If we want to fix the problem, we've got to try. Amen. And with sin, there is an answer. And you can have a victory over sin.  Right. Psalm 51:5  the psalmist David who also wrote this, he said,  behold I was shapen in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me.

 I got it from my mom. It was passed on. 

 Yes. It came all the way down from Adam and Eve. They had children. They were sinners. Why? Because apple trees reproduced apple trees. Orange trees reproduce orange trees. And sinful people reproduce sinful people. We get it from our forebears. We get it from our relatives, our parents, our grandparents on down. That's why David said, "Behold, I was shaped iniquity. In sin did my mother conceive me." My mother was a sinner. 

 What is sin? First John 5:17 says, ""All unrighteousness is sin." What do you mean unrighteous? It is anything that violates the righteousness of God as it is recorded in His Word.

That's why knowledge of the Bible, the Word of God is so important because it's the Word that declares God's holiness. 

 It's His word that declares what he cannot tolerate and he cannot embrace because His nature won't allow it. And if we embrace that sin that His nature does not allow, we can't get close to HIM. Right. 

And so the Jewish people and others too who had this problem about this righteousness, this self-righteousness that we tend to have a better picture of ourselves than God does. You know, we tend to gloss over our sin. We tend to cover up and protect ourselves somehow, you know,  make us think that God doesn't see our sin and we try to excuse ourselves or we try to make excuses by referring to our own goodness. We call that self-righteousness.

 And the Jewish people in the Old Testament, even in Jesus's day, had this weakness of trying to assert their self-righteousness.  Because after all, we're children of Abraham and we've got the law, Moses,  and we've got the temple and we got the Jewish priesthood and we've got a long history. We got about 2,000 years of history here from Abraham down to Jesus. And look how righteous we are. God has kept us all this time. And we got our language. Hebrew. We got our religion. Judaism were distinct from everybody else in the world. Yes.  But when it come to accepting the Messiah, you rejected HIM. You rejected your own law, your own prophets, the own word that described the Messiah that will come in due time. 

And you didn't recognize the time and you didn't recognize the person of Christ, the Messiah.  

 And you continue to keep on preaching Old Testament covenant when a New Testament is coming, established by His own blood, Christ the Saviour. That's why the apostle Paul in Romans chapter 10 writes these three verses. Brethren, he  writes to the church, "My heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be saved." 

You mean Jewish people aren't saved? No. Apostle Paul said so. If you have not been born again of the water and of the spirit, if you have been baptized in Jesus name, if you have been filled by that Spirit of Almighty God that gave the Jews the law, God sent prophets and time and again prophesied of the time when the covenant will change and he will no longer have the laws on tablets of stone, in the ark of the covenant. and inside the holiest of holies. "But I'm going to write it in your heart. " I'm going to write it on your fleshly tablets and I'm going to put my Spirit within you and I'm going to cause you to do my will." 

 And they rejected it. They didn't recognize it. So Paul says, "You're lost. But I pray that they might be saved for I bear them record that they have a zeal for God." You know, there's a lot of people in the world that have a zeal for God. 

Zeal for God is different from the zeal of God. Just as having the faith in God is different from having the faith of God. 

 And some of them have a zeal for the wrong god and the wrong name. And I'm not throwing stones. That's just the way it is. It's always been the same since the fall of man. 

But they had a zeal for God. The Jewish nation did. They had a good motive in trying to please the God that they knew. But apostle Paul said they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge.  They have lost the key of knowledge from the Word of God and the promises of God. 

And so apostle Paul says in verse three, "For they being ignorant of God's righteousness are going about to establish their own righteousness and have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God." 

What is the righteousness of God? It is the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is the New Testament, the new covenant. 

And so when we're talking about sin, we're talking about our own righteousness. What we consider to be good versus what God considers to be good. Righteousness in His eyes. 

 See, we have to, you know, when we're born again, we're going to have to grow up into developing these spiritual eyes, which be when we begin to see things the way God sees things, not the way we see it.

15:57 When you read the scriptures, when you look read the Bible, we have to look at every situation from God's perspective, not from my own opinionated heart and mind and thinking. 

 That is where we get in trouble. Well, I think yeah, you can think. Yeah, but you got to bring your thinking in alignment with the Word of God. And it does matter what you think. It does matter when you are not thinking with God. . 

 Proverbs 23:7 says, "As a man think, so he is." But that thinking, if it is not aligned with the Word, it can lead you down the wrong path. And it will cause you to be deceived. If you don't bring your thinking in line with the Word of God. Do you see why knowledge of the Word is so important? 

 It's not just important to come to church. I'm glad you're here. Okay? I'm glad you're here. But this is not enough. 

 You're all called to be disciples. And you're all called to study the Word of God to please HIM. Are you studying it or are you just reading it? You need to study it so you'd understand it. 

 You'd have knowledge about what pleases and what doesn't please HIM. Yes. Amen. 

 So you be convinced for yourself. So that's my preacher. l'll do it because my pastor says it. No. 

You better do it because the Word of God says so.

 It's not about me. It's about you and God. And you and I bring ourselves into harmony and alignment with His will through His Word. 

 Too often we may feel that we're better than some other people, 

 Some of whom were criminals or, you know, some who done some real heinous crimes and rightly so. l can understand their thinking. But we declare ourselves righteous simply because what we're not as extreme as them. 

We didn't rob the national bank. We didn't kill anybody. And you know, we didn't do any serious crime. 

But you see, when we ûget to heaven and God and and and and and God judges us, it is us coming short of the glory of God. It means that God judges us by comparing our self-righteousness to His holiness. 

No matter how good you declare yourself or how good you see yourself, it's going to have to stand up to the holiness and righteousness of God. And the question is, if you stood before God now, let's say God took you, Amen. He took your soul right there, right now. How would you compare to His holiness ?

Okay. Have you dealt with sin in your life? And this is an issue again. 

Look, we're saved by grace and we have our sins covered in baptism, but you know, repentance and keeping our sins covered and doing the right thing is a daily battle, right? 

 We can make mistakes. We have made mistakes. And you know, the only way you can get through life is pleading the blood of Jesus Christ and making  sure that you stay on the straight and narrow and and continue on your pathway to God with Him. 

But how are we going to fare when we try to compare our goodness to His holiness? None of us would stand a chance if it wasn't for God's grace. That's the bottom line. 

And sin is what caused God to intervene in human affairs and enact the salvation plan and counteract  sin's devastating effects. And we know that as Easter. We talked about it just a few weeks ago. It is revealing God's perspective and we can more fully understand it. 

 If we see it from His angle, we can understand better the depth of His love for us. 

 He didn't have to save us. He didn't have to do what he did on Calvary. But God saved us from sin. And when we look at sin from His perspective, we can better understand the depth of God's grace. How low we were, he came to get us and pick us up. And we can better understand that God can't save someone who doesn't believe that they need salvation. 

 You can't save somebody that says," I'm saved. I don't need to be saved. I'm right the way l am. lI'm good." Okay. What do you get before God? Right. 

 Now, let me then tell how good you are. Have you got the blood cover? See, when you're born again, you got the blood of Jesus Christ on you. And this is why the repentance that before God every time you mess up and you know messing up when you live for God and walking in the Spirit, you're messing up is an exception rather than the rule. 

 When you walk in the spirit you're living to please God. Now you're Father's-pleaser, no more men-pleaser 

And if you mess up something slipped in. Oh my goodness. And sometimes it's even it may be that it was intentional. 

 Well, thank God that there's mercy if you ask for mercy and if you confess your sins. For if we confess our sins,  he's faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. No, I'm not justifying sin. I'm recognizing His force and His  power in our lives and that it can trip us up at every level.  And to be blind to it and to reject that fact is to invite disaster. 

 If you mess up, you better repent right away. Don't you wait. Don't you put it off. Don't you entertain in that sin a long time because the longer you stay in it, the harder it's going to be to give it up and get a victory over it. Sin is unbelieve God.

 Israel's history in Psalms 106 is written here. 

 And this particular Psalms 106 is King David's writing. He is summarizing the sins of all of the people. And what the people did as a nation can really be also looked at as the sins of an individual. 

 And so David here is summarizing Israel's history from the time that God brought Israel out of Egyptian slavery up to the time that he was on the throne. Now Saul before him is the first king. 

 Now David is king and then his son Solomon will come after him. Then the rest of the Old Testament unfolds. But at this particular time and point in time , just before 1000 AD King David is writing and looking back on the history of Israel. 

 And as you read these verses from beginning, you begin to see not only a view of the sins of all humanity, but in fact really it is from the words of the king, a national confession. Is David the leader, the king speaking of where the nation of Israel has fallen short? I would God that our leaders in our country would come to a place where they would look back at our history. 

 I look upon God's providence or look upon His grace and make confessions. This is where we've been. This is where we are. And we made some mistakes, but confession is good for the soul of an individual and a nation. 

And so in verse six, we read, "We have sinned with our fathers." 

And here, King David is speaking of the general sins of the nation. And he says, "We have sinned with our fathers, just like our fathers did several generations ago.  We're doing the same old thing." And so what the king is saying, you know, sometimes it's not good to walk in the footsteps of your fathers, especially when as the heir, when they're not walking in the righteousness of God. 

 Don't follow in their footsteps when they're not on the pathway of biblical righteousness. That's the Word.

Then David in the rest of the Psalms after verse six, he begins to deal with the sins in particular more specifically beginning with verse 13. He said they soon forget his works. And I'm summarizing here. I'm taking out the highlights. 

 They soon forget His works.  Forgetfulness is one of those things that causes people to sink deep down in sin. Forgetting how good God has been to you. Forgetting how many times he forgave you. Forgetting how many times God saved your neck from trouble, from sickness, from financial ruin. 

How many times God brought you back from the brink of death. Forgetting that. 

 In another translation, off this verse, David says "they made haste to forget His works" shows us how quickly you and I forget the goodness of God and the mercies of God. 

It's just like, you know, when we make foxhole promises, you've ever heard of foxhole promises. Foxhole promises. Our soldiers when they're out there in a battlefield, you dig a foxhole and you're there with maybe another partner, another soldier. And together, you're out there by yourself. And you're in a dire situation because you're in the frontline, most forward line. And you're expecting the enemy to come. And you're afraid because you know you're exposed. You can be overrun. You can be killed and you're in extreme danger.  And then men many times make these foxhole promises. " God, just get me out of this mess and l'll serve you, Lord."  "Just this one time. Just get me out of this and l'll do whatever you want." 

 How many ever done that? I guess I'm the only one. 

I remember I was out in the world. I was in the Air Force. I was in military. I'm a Vietnam era guy. Seven years Air Force. Brother Corey, where you at? Come on now. Another Air Force guy. He was the Air Force also.  

But I remember, you know, I was in the world.  I didn't know God then. And you know, every Friday night and Saturday, that was party time. Look forward to Friday night, you go out drinking, everybody always had beer and then sometimes you have something to drink. I remember and I still remember this night. I don't know why I remember, but ll guess I remembered because I called out on God.  I didn't even know HIM.  And I remember going to this house. I was starving. I haven't had anything to eat. But they had a plate full of chocolate chip cookies. I had chocolate chip cookies. And I drank a bunch of scotch. Brother Corey. I mean, it doesn't go together. For one thing,  I didn't care. It was food. It was drink. I was guzzling. I guzzled. And l'II tell you, I got so sick. I got so drunk and I got so messed up... And I'm not glorifying this, all right? But I'm sharing this with you to let you see who I was. I'm no different than anybody. Yeah. I have a past. I've done things that I'm not proud of.  Now, I remember going home and I'm sick of the dog, vomiting, puking up, and all that junk. And I'm on my bed and the room's going around spinning like this. 

I said, "God, help me. If if if you get me out of this, l'Il never drink again."  You know what I was doing next Friday night, Brother Corey? Foxhole prayers, foxhole promises. 

 But you know, thanks be to God that there was a promise l made in August of 24th, 1975 when I was invited to church, Life Tabernacle, Houston, Texas. I got saved. In brother Kilgore. I repented of my sins, got baptized in Jesus' name. Two weeks later, got the Holy Ghost and my life changed and God kept me sober all these years. Hallelujah. God kept me straight. Hallelujah. Praise God. It is no longer a foxhole promise. It is a dedication. It's a consecration. 

When Jesus said, "Come follow me."  Hallelujah. You can live right. You can do right. You can have a transformed life. If you let the Holy Spirit lead you and fill you. 

Can you say, "Praise the Lord." Praise the Lord. Amen. I know there's others of you who have had the same if not the similar story. Praise God. 

But that's what sin does to you. It messes with you. 

And if you're not careful, you forget. And if you forget, you're going to end up right back in your vomit that you started from. 

Verse 14, David said, "They lust that exceeding in the wilderness." It is unbridled lust that was another part of their problem. The sin that brought them down, that lust, that intense unbridled selfish craving that prioritizes personal pleasure over God's will. It is intense. 

They grew weary of the provision from heaven when God sent the manna. Complaining, "Oh, it's this lousy manna. Oh, no. Give me some good bread. Give me some good Italian bread or something, you know? Give me some of that bread from Egypt that we used to eat. just give me something better."

They weren't content. They weren't content with what God gave them. They wanted to satisfy their lusts. 

 That's scripture. Okay. We're looking at sin from God's perspective. But this is not me. Okay? This is God talking. 

 Lust. And we all have them if we're not careful. We've got to deal with it. Part of the sin that drags us down is our lust. 

Could be lust for food. Could be lust for money, lust for immoral sexuality. There's a variety of things that lust covers. 

And that is why even in the New Testament, the apostle Peter warns us in 1 Peter 2:1, "Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims." In other words, while we're here. We're citizens of another world. We're to consider ourselves as pilgrims and strangers passing through. 

Don't put your stakes down too deep. You may have a home. You may have a family, but listen, your eternal home is somewhere else. It's not here. I hope you have made that transformation in your mind already.  But apostle Peter says, "Dearly beloved, I beseech you strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul." 

 Lust wars against the soul. It wars against spiritual thing. Lust is a spirit. Lust wars against that spiritual desire on inside of you to please God and to follow after HIM and get a deeper walk with HIM. And it's something you have to deal with. 

 Now there I can preach about it but you know you have to do it in your own life individually. That is why fasting is important. Prayer is important. Spiritual disciplines. This is why we come for church services. It is not because we're perfect. We are coming here to be perfected. Nobody got a halo on their head. 

We're all on our way to heaven. And the thing is we're intentional about it. Don't think you can get to heaven by accident. No sir. 

You can get there. When we go together because Bible says that he intends Christianity to be experienced in the context of a body of members, for by one Spirit you're baptized into one body.   Hallelujah. When this church, you need to be in a body.  Because this is where the Word is being preached and you can apply it to yourself. You can examine yourself and you can do something. Pray, repent. You can invoke the Presence of God and let HIM fill you up in here and let HIM give you strength over your lusts. God knows this world is enticing us. Young people, especially old people, too. 

I'm not just picking on young people. Young people, I'm not picking on you. Old people are alive. Old people have lust, too. Yes, they do. Don't deny it. If you do, you're going to fall flat on your face. 

You got to deal with it. You got to subdue it. You got to bridle it. Amen. 

But young people, listen to what old apostle Paul says to young Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:22. Flee also youthful lusts, but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace. 

Youthful lust. There's some lust that particularly plague the youth. I think us youth. I remember when I was young once. Yeah, I had some youthful lust. It is public knowledge. Don't try to bear it and deny it. You better know it. You better deal with it. You better hawk eye your list list. There's nothing wrong with dealing with it. There's nothing wrong with restraining yourself. There's nothing wrong with doing the right thing. That's good. 

That is good. Why? Because if you do the wrong thing, that lust gets a hold of you and it brings you down low. 

Sin always destroys. Sin always brings you down low. You're not getting any high or any better. I'm telling you. 

You do the wrong thing with immorality and other things. With lust, it's going to, it can destroy your life.  Not just spiritually going to hell. I'm talking about even in this life. You can ruin your reputation. Ruin your peace, your life. 

God help us. Flee also youthful lusts.

 And then verse 19, look at that. They made a calf in Mount Horeb. God brought Israel out of Egypt. 40 days later, you know, they're there. Moses up on the mountain top getting the Ten Commandments and the plan for the tabernacle. And down below the people, they don't know where Moses is. And they start looking around say, "Hey, you know this there's  something's wrong here. Moses is not here. I think, you know, he's gone somewhere or God took him. He's dead and I think we better make us a calf and worship him." Bad idea.  Bad idea. 

The Bible said they made a golden calf statue. Now they took all the gold off the people, the earings and everything else, and they made a golden calf and they worshiped it and sacrificed to it. 

The Bible tells us in  1 Corinthians 10:19-20 that when you're sacrificing to idols, you're sacrificing to the devils. Devils is speaking of demons. Why? Because the devil is a deceiver. And you may see some activity around these idols in some ways, but it is always to deceive. They don't speak.  Read Psalm 115.  

But idolatry opens the gate to demonic activity. And a few days after coming out of Egypt, they come to Mount Horeb.

Moses goes to the mount, speaks with God. He'd been gone 40 days. and they make themselves a god that they can see,  feel, and handle. They make a golden calf and there's no aura on this calf, on this god. When they came to Mount Sinai, there was smoke, fire, thunder, lightning. God speaks to them.  But when they make this calf, there's no aura. There's no power. There's no glory. There's no breath. There's no voice. There's no motion. There's no prayer that can be heard and no prayer that's answered. 

 It couldn't shake a twig, let alone a mountain like they saw God do when he shook Horeb

There was no lightning. There was no thunder. And there was not one note of trumpet that this dumb idol could make. 

And yet, what did they do? They strip themselves of their clothes and start giving it sacrifices of praise and song and worship and dance. A golden calf. 

Why would the people do this when they've already experienced such an incredible time with the true God and the 10 plagues over Egypt, the Red Sea separating, the Egyptian army being destroyed,  God's provision, and the only answer is that they wanted to please themselves. It was their lust to do that. 

An idol really is a god of no demands. That's why they did it. When you worship an idol who's not a god, is really being worshiped, people like to worship idols because that god doesn't speak. It doesn't make demands. It doesn't ask you to do anything. Doesn't ask you to sacrifice of your life or anything. 

But you know, interesting. As soon as God brings the people of Israel to Mount Horeb, he shows thunder, smoke, lightning, and then he speaks like a trumpet and all the people hear God. In fact, when he enunciates the Ten Commandments, the Bible said all the people hear it. And three times as God pronounces this new Covenant, this covenant to them, the Bible says three times the people of Israel said, "All that God has said, we will do." It was really a marriage ceremony. It was a covenant between the One Holy God and the people of Israel. 

It is like the New Testament, the groom and the bride, the church, called out ones. 

This is the Old Testament church. And the Bible declares the Jews to be so. Here's the Old Testament. God Jehovah,  and his people, Israel is His bride, and they're entering into this covenant relationship. 

 And God audibly articulated the words of the covenant to the people. And all of the two million plus people heard it. 

And this God, who's not an idol, began to make demands of His people. 

I'm the true God. And if you're going to worship me and enter in a covenant with me, thou shalt have no other god before me. 

I don't want anybody worshiping idols. 

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. Thou shalt not bow down to them or serve them.  Then you will not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. 

 Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. 

Honor thy father and mother.  

Thou shalt not kill. 

Thou shalt not commit adultery. 

Thou shalt not steal. 

Thou shalt not bear false witness. 

And thou shalt not coveret the neighbor's house, his wife, maid servant, his ax or his ass or anything 

 that is thy neighbors. As soon as people of God came out and God speaks to his people, he started making demands on them. And let me tell you, it's no 

Keeping a man happy is easy, but most wives are too selfish to even try

让男人开心很容易，但大多数妻子都太自私，根本不愿尝试。 Keeping a man happy is easy, but most wives are too selfish to even try.

This is Miss (your name) and today I want to say something that married women are not going to want to hear. Keeping a good man happy is not complicated. It is not expensive. It does not require therapy or self-help books or long retreats or complicated frameworks about love languages and attachment styles. It requires two things. Peace and intimacy. 

 That is the entire list. And the reason so many marriages are quietly dying right now is not because men are asking for too much. It is because wives who know exactly what their husbands need have decided those needs are negotiable. 

 Something to be granted or withheld depending on whether they are getting what they want in return. I am a woman and I am telling you that is not a marriage. That is a hostage situation. 

Let me start with peace because I do not think most wives understand what peace actually means to a man. Not the surface definition, the real one. 

Peace is not just the absence of fighting. It is not the quiet that exists in a house where nobody is arguing in this particular moment. 

Peace is a feeling, a specific physical unmistakable feeling that a man either has or does not have when he walks through his front door. 

It is the feeling of his shoulders dropping, his jaw unclenching, his mind slowing down from the speed it runs at all day. 

It is the feeling of arriving somewhere that costs him nothing. Where nobody needs something from him immediately. Where he does not have to read the room before he decides how to hold himself. Where he can simply exist without managing   anything. 

That feeling is not a luxury for a man. It is a requirement. The same way sleep is a requirement. The same way water is a requirement. 

A man who gets genuine peace at home is a man who can sustain everything else in his life. His work, his patience, his presence with his children, his capacity to keep showing up for the people who depend on him. 

All of it draws from a well that gets refilled by peace. And most wives know this. They watch their husbands decompress on the rare occasions when  the house is calm. They see what he looks like when he is actually at rest. 

They know the difference between that man and the one who never quite exhales because the environment around him never quite allows it. 

They know and they still take it from him. Not always dramatically, usually slowly, usually in ways that feel justified from where they are standing. 

That is what I want to talk about today. 

Let me describe something that happens in more homes than anyone wants to admit. He has a position on something. 

 Maybe it is a financial decision.Maybe it is how he wants to spend the weekend. 

Maybe it is something she wants that he does not think is a good idea right now.

Whatever the specifics, he has said no or not yet or I do not think that is the right move. 

Does she engage with his reasoning? 

Does she bring her perspective to the table and have an honest conversation between two adults who respect each other? She does not. 

Instead, she begins a campaign. A slow, persistent, exhausting campaign designed not to change his mind through genuine dialogue, but to make the cost of maintaining his position higher than the  cost of surrendering it. She nags. She brings it up again and again in different forms at different times. She creates an atmosphere of low-grade  tension that poisons the ordinary moments of daily life until he finally gives in just to make it stop. 

And when he gives in that way, not because she convinced him, not because he genuinely changed his mind, but because the relentless pressure made resistance more painful than compliance, she counts it as a win. It is not a win. It is a demolition. 

  What she destroyed in that exchange is not just his peace in that moment. She destroyed a small but irreplaceable piece of his belief that his voice   matters in this marriage. That his perspective will be heard rather than simply worn down. That he is a partner in this life rather than an obstacle to be managed until he moves out of the way. 

Do that enough times and you do not have a husband anymore. You have a man who has learned to comply without conviction. And a man who complies without conviction is a man who has emotionally left a marriage he is stil physically present in. 

Here is what that man looks like from the outside and why wives consistently fail to connect the   picture to its cause. He stops offering his opinion before he has asked for it. Not because he does not have one, because offering it and watching it get ignored or overridden or  worn down through attrition taught him that offering it costs more than it produces. 

 So he goes quiet. He waits. He answers when asked and keeps his real perspective to himself. She notices this and calls it not communicating. She   tells her friends he never talks to her anymore. She complains that she cannot get him to engage. She does not connect his silence to what she built around his voice over the years. She does not see the direct line between the man she trained and the man she is now frustrated by. 

He stops fighting for things he wants. Not because he stopped having preferences. Because fighting for his preferences inside this marriage means entering a sustained conflict that ends with him losing ground anyway and feeling worse for having tried. So he stops trying. He lets her decide. 

 He agrees with whatever she proposes because agreeing is easier than the alternative. She interprets this as him not caring, as him being passive, as him failing to lead. She does not see that she systematically made leading too expensive for him to keep doing it. He retreats into his phone, into the garage, into whatever private space gives him the thing his marriage stopped providing. Not because he stopped loving her, because loving her inside the environment she created became something that depleted him rather than filled him. And people do not voluntarily stay in spaces that deplete them when there is any alternative available. 

 The alternative he found is usually just distance, physical presence with emotional absence. The body in the marriage while the real person quietly lives somewhere else inside himself. 

 That is what nagging produces over time. 

 Not a husband who finally came around. A husband who learned that coming around was the only option he was ever actually going to be given. 

Then there is the other weapon and I am going to call it what it is because softening it does not serve anyone. 

Withholding intimacy as leverage is one of the most destructive things a wife can do to her marriage. Not because intimacy is something he is owed  regardless of the state of the relationship, but because weaponizing it, using it deliberately as a tool of control, granting it when he behaves in ways she approves of, and withdrawing it when he does not, communicates something to a man that goes far deeper than the surface level of whatever disagreement she is trying to win. It tells him that his most fundamental need for connection with the woman he chose is conditional. 

 That her desire for him is not actually desire at all. It is currency spent when useful and withheld when leverage is needed. I want to say that again because I want it to land clearly.

Her desire for him is not desire. It is currency. A man who understands this about his own marriage, even if he never says it out loud, even if he could not articulate it in those words, experiences something that does not have a clean name, but that every man in that situation knows intimately. 

 He feels like a transaction, not a person, not a partner, a variable being managed, rewarded for compliance, and penalized for independence. And the reward being used to manage him is the one thing in the marriage that was supposed to be about something other than management. The intimacy that should have been the evidence of genuine desire becomes evidence of something else entirely. And once a man sees it that way, he cannot unsee it. Here is what that does to him over time. And this is the part wives never see coming because they are watching for the wrong signs. 

In the beginning, he pursues. He tries to reconnect. He adjusts his behavior. He tries to figure out what he did wrong and how to fix it. He is motivated because he believes the problem is solvable and because the connection he is trying to restore matters to him. But if the pattern holds, if the withholding is consistent,  if the connection between his compliance and her availability becomes clear enough, something in him shifts. He   stops initiating. Not because his need went away, because initiating became the most efficient way available to him to feel unwanted. Every time he reached and was denied, he received information about his own desirability and his standing in his own marriage. And that information received enough times produces a wound. The wound does not bleed visibly. It closes over. He becomes quieter around her, less warm, less engaged. The flat effect of a man who has stopped expecting warmth from someone who used to be its source. She notices this and calls it him pulling away. She tells people he is cold. She wonders what happened to the man she married. She does not connect the cold man standing in front of her to the years of reaching and being denied that built the wall between them. Brick by brick, she built it. She is now standing on the wrong side of it, wondering how it got there. And the most painful part of this, the part that should stop every wife cold when she really sits with it, is that beneath the distance and the detachment and the quiet withdrawal of a man who stopped reaching for her, there is still a man who wanted to be wanted, who needed to be desired not for what he provides or what he agrees to, but simply because she chose him and still means it. That need does not go away. It goes underground. And a need that goes underground in a marriage does not stay there quietly. It surfaces somewhere in distance, in resentment, in the slow emotional exit that everyone around them 10:22 can see happening except the wife who is still trying to understand why he is not the man she thought she married. He is exactly the man she married. She just spent years teaching him that man was not welcome. 

Here's why this pattern is so common and why it persists even in marriages where the woman genuinely loves her husband. Because love in the abstract and selfishness in the specific can exist in the same person at the same time. And most of the wives I am describing today genuinely love their husbands. They would tell you that sincerely. They would mean it. But love that does not extend into the specific moments of daily life. Into the moment where her need to win a disagreement conflicts with his need for peace. Into the moment where her desire for leverage conflicts with his need for genuine connection is not functioning as love in those moments. It is functioning as preference and her preference in that moment is winning. 

 Some wives operate from a framework where the relationship is a competition with limited resources. What he gets, she does not get. What she gives, she loses. Every concession is a defeat, and every withholding is a form of self-protection. Every time she gives him what he needs without getting something in return, she experiences it as falling behind in a game. She is always tracking, even when she would never describe it that way.    This framework produces exactly the behavior I have been describing. Nagging because genuine persuasion feels like vulnerability. Withholding because freely giving feels like losing leverage. Treating his needs as bargaining chips because the idea of  simply meeting them out of love feels naive, like something a woman does before she understands how the world works. It is not wisdom. It is the most expensive mistake available in a marriage because the framework is wrong at the foundation. Relationships are not zero sum. What you give to a man who feels genuinely loved and genuinely at peace does not diminish you. It multiplies. The man who comes home to peace brings more of himself back to the marriage than the man who comes home to management. The man whose wife genuinely desires him has more to give her than the man who has been conditioned to stop reaching. The wives who have genuinely figured this out understand something fundamental. They understand that generosity is not a sacrifice. It is an investment with the highest available return. And they are living inside marriages that look effortless from the outside because the people inside them stopped treating it like a competition and started treating it like a partnership. 

 I want to draw a picture of two marriages. Same starting point, same man, different wife. In the first marriage, the wife leads with leverage. She withholds peace when she is not getting what she wants. She withholds intimacy when she needs compliance. She monitors what she gives and ensures she is never giving more than she is getting. She is strategic. She believes this makes her smart. 5 years into that marriage, the husband is quiet in ways he was not before. He agrees to things he does not believe in because disagreeing costs too much. He has stopped reaching for her in the ways he used to because reaching and being denied too many times built a reflex of not reaching. He comes home and goes through the motions of being present while the part of him that used to be genuinely present lives somewhere behind his eyes where she cannot reach it anymore. She looks at him and does not recognize him. She wonders what happened. She tells people he changed. He did not change. He adapted to her. 

In the second marriage, the wife leads with generosity. She gives him peace not as a reward for good behavior but because she understands that his peace is the foundation of everything she actually wants from him. She offers intimacy freely because she understands that freely given desire is the only kind that means anything. 

 She engages with his perspective genuinely because she understands that a man whose voice matters in his marriage is a man who stays invested in it. 5 years into that marriage, the husband walks through the door differently than the man in the first marriage does. He is present in a way that is visible. He is motivated in ways that show up everywhere. He is generous with her in ways that she did not have to demand or negotiate for because generosity is the language of the environment she created. She looks at him and says she got lucky. She found a good man. She did not find a different man. She built a different marriage with the same raw material. The  man is not the variable. The environment is. And the woman is the primary architect of that environment, whether she is willing to accept that  responsibility or not. 

Here is what I want every wife watching this to sit with before she clicks away. The man you are describing as distant and checked out and emotionally unavailable and always somewhere else even when he is right in front of you. That man is  giving you information, not with his words. He stopped using his words a long time ago because using them cost him too much. He is giving you information with his absence, with the specific quality of his silence, with the way he is physically in your marriage while being somewhere else in every way that actually matters. 

 The information is this. The environment you created around him does not allow him to be fully present. And he has made the only rational decision available to a person who cannot be fully present in a space. He is maintaining the minimum required to keep the structure intact while protecting whatever is left of himself somewhere the structure cannot reach. That is not him failing you. That is him surviving what you built. 

 The question is not what happened to him. The question is whether you are willing to look at what you built and decide to build something different. Not because he deserves it, not as a transaction,   but because the marriage you actually want is on the other side of the version of yourself that stopped keeping score. 

 Withholding peace and intimacy as leverage is not power. It is the most expensive short-term strategy available in a marriage. It produces compliance in the moment and resentment over time. And resentment accumulated quietly over years of a man whose most basic needs were treated as bargaining chips does not stay quiet forever. It leaves sometimes loudly, more often silently,  the slow emotional exit of a man who finally stopped expecting the home he was promised when he said, "I do." The wife who understands this, who chooses  generosity over leverage, genuine partnership over manipulation, freely giving over strategic withholding, is not naive. She is the only one in this conversation playing a strategy that actually wins.

 I want to hear from both sides of this. Men, does this describe something you are living right now or something you lived through? The peace that was always just out of reach. The intimacy that became something you had to earn rather than something you were offered. The slow process of becoming    the distant, checked out man your wife now complains about without any recognition of what built him. Tell me in the comments, not in anger, just honestly. Because the men reading those comments right now need to know they are not alone and they are not crazy and what they experienced has a name. 

And women, if something in this post felt   uncomfortably familiar, I want to ask you one thing before you reach for the counter-argument,    sit with it for a moment. Not the part about what he does wrong,  the part about what you do. Let it be about you for just a few minutes before you make it about anything else. That pause, that willingness to let an honest thing land before deflecting it is the beginning of every marriage that actually got better. 

This is (your name) and I will not be back with more of what nobody else will say.

让男人开心很容易，但大多数妻子都太自私，根本不愿尝试。

我是（你的名字），今天我想说一些已婚女性可能不太想听的话。让一个好男人开心并不复杂，也不昂贵，不需要心理治疗、自助书籍、长期静修，也不需要关于爱的语言和依恋类型的复杂理论。它只需要两样东西：平和与亲密。

这就是全部原因。如今许多婚姻悄然走向破裂，并非因为男人要求太多，而是因为那些明知丈夫需要什么的妻子，却认为这些需求是可以讨价还价的。

她们觉得，丈夫的需求可以给予，也可以拒绝，这取决于她们是否能得到自己想要的回报。我身为女人，我可以告诉你，这根本不是婚姻，而是人质危机。

我想先从“和平”谈起，因为我认为大多数妻子并不真正理解和平对男人意味着什么。不是表面上的定义，而是真正的和平。

和平不仅仅是没有争吵，也不仅仅是此刻家中无人争执的寂静。

和平是一种感觉，一种清晰可辨的、切身的感受，一个人走进家门时，要么拥有这种感觉，要么没有。

它是一种肩膀放松、下巴舒展、思绪从一天的高速运转中慢下来的感觉。

它是一种抵达一个无需付出任何代价的地方的感觉。在这里，没有人会立刻要求他做什么。在这里，他无需揣摩他人的心思来决定自己的举止。在这里，他可以自在地存在，无需操心任何事情。

对男人而言，那种感觉并非奢侈品，而是必需品。就像睡眠和水一样必不可少。

一个在家中真正获得平静的男人，才能支撑起生活中的一切：他的工作、他的耐心、他对孩子的陪伴，以及他持续为依赖他的人挺身而出的能力。

这一切都源于平静，而平静正是滋养这一切的源泉。大多数妻子都明白这一点。她们观察着丈夫在难得的宁静时刻放松下来的样子，她们看到他真正放松时的神态。

她们知道，这样的男人和那些因为周围环境的限制而始终无法真正放松的男人，有着本质的区别。

他们明知故犯，却依然从他那里夺走一切。并非总是激烈地爆发，通常是慢慢地，而且通常是以他们自认为合情合理的方式来进行的。

这就是我今天想谈的。

让我来描述一下发生在很多家庭中的一种情况，而很多人却不愿承认。他对某件事有自己的立场。

也许是关于财务方面的决定。也许是关于他想如何度过周末。

也许是她想要的东西，而他认为现在不是个好主意。

无论具体是什么，他都会说“不”、“还没到时候”或者“我觉得现在这样做不合适”。

她会认真听取他的理由吗？

她会提出自己的观点，与他进行一次坦诚的对话，像两个互相尊重的成年人一样吗？她没有。

相反，她开始了一场“攻势”。一场缓慢、持续、令人精疲力竭的攻势，其目的并非通过真诚的对话来改变他的想法，而是让他觉得坚持己见的代价远高于放弃的代价。她喋喋不休，在不同的场合以不同的方式反复提起这件事。她营造了一种低度的紧张氛围，毒害了日常生活的点点滴滴，直到他最终屈服，只是为了摆脱这一切。

当他最终屈服时——并非因为她说服了他，也并非因为他真心改变了主意，而是因为无情的压力让反抗比顺从更加痛苦——她却认为这是一场胜利。但这并非胜利，而是一场毁灭。

在那次交锋中，她摧毁的不仅仅是他那一刻的平静，更是他心中那份虽小却不可替代的信念：在这段婚姻中，他的声音至关重要。 希望他的意见能被倾听，而不是被轻易忽视。希望他是人生伴侣，而不是需要被控制直到他让路的障碍。

如果这种情况反复发生，你最终失去的将不再是你的丈夫。你拥有的是一个学会了毫无信念地顺从的男人。而一个毫无信念地顺从的男人，实际上已经情感上离开了这段他仍然身处其中的婚姻。

这就是从外人的角度来看，这样的男人是什么样子，以及为什么妻子们总是无法将这种现象与问题的根源联系起来。他甚至在被征求意见之前就停止表达自己的观点。这并非因为他没有意见，而是因为表达意见后，眼睁睁地看着自己的意见被忽视、被否决或被反复的消耗所磨灭，让他明白表达意见的代价远大于收益。

于是他变得沉默。他等待。被问及时才回答，并将自己真实的想法藏在心底。她注意到这一点，称之为不沟通。她告诉朋友们，他再也不跟她说话了。她抱怨说，她无法让他参与进来。她没有把他的沉默与她多年来围绕他的声音所建立的一切联系起来。她看不到她一手培养的男人和如今让她感到沮丧的男人之间的直接联系。

他不再争取自己想要的东西。不是因为他没有了偏好。而是因为在这段婚姻中争取自己的偏好意味着陷入一场旷日持久的冲突，最终他还是会败下阵来，并且因为尝试过而感到更加沮丧。所以他不再尝试。他让她来决定。

他同意她提出的任何建议，因为同意比拒绝更容易。她把这解读为他漠不关心，他消极被动，他没有尽到领导的责任。她没有意识到，是她一步步地让他觉得领导的代价太高，以至于他无法继续承担。他躲进手机里，躲进车库里，躲进任何能给他带来婚姻不再提供的私人空间。 并非因为他不再爱她，而是因为在她营造的环境中爱她，反而让他感到精疲力竭，而非充满能量。当有其他选择时，人们不会自愿留在让自己精疲力竭的地方。

他找到的替代方案通常只是疏远，身体在场却情感缺席。婚姻中只有肉体，而真正的自我却静静地生活在内心深处。

这就是唠叨日积月累的后果。

最终，他得到的不是一个幡然悔悟的丈夫，而是一个明白悔悟是他唯一真正拥有的选择的丈夫。

还有另一种武器，我要直言不讳，因为淡化它对任何人都没有好处。

以拒绝亲密关系作为筹码，是妻子对婚姻最具破坏性的行为之一。 并非因为无论关系如何，他都理所当然地应该得到亲密，而是因为将亲密当作武器，刻意将其作为控制的工具，在他行为符合她心意时给予，在他行为不符合时收回，这向男人传递的信息远比她试图赢得的任何表面上的分歧要深刻得多。这告诉他，他对与自己选择的女人建立联系的最基本需求是有条件的。

她对他的渴望根本就不是真正的渴望。那只是一种筹码，有用时就用，需要筹码时就收回。我要再说一遍，因为我想让你们彻底明白。

她对他的渴望不是渴望，而是一种筹码。一个男人如果明白这一点，即使他从未公开承认，即使他无法用这些词语表达出来，他也会经历一种难以启齿的感受，但每个身处这种境地的男人都感同身受。

他觉得自己像个交易对象，而不是一个人，不是伴侣，而是一个被操控的变量，顺从会得到奖励，独立会受到惩罚。而用来操控他的奖励，恰恰是婚姻中原本应该与操控无关的那部分。原本应该体现真挚渴望的亲密，却变成了完全不同的东西。一旦一个男人这样看待婚姻，他就再也无法忽视。这就是这种观念会如何慢慢侵蚀他。而妻子们却对此浑然不觉，因为她们一直在关注错误的信号。

 起初，他会主动追求。他试图重新建立联系。他调整自己的行为。他努力思考自己错在哪里，以及如何弥补。他之所以如此积极，是因为他相信问题可以解决，也因为他想要修复的这段关系对他来说至关重要。但如果这种模式持续下去，如果这种冷漠持续存在，如果他顺从与她回应之间的联系变得足够清晰，他内心深处就会发生转变。他不再主动。并非因为他的需求消失了，而是因为主动反而成了让他感到自己不被需要的最有效方式。每一次他主动追求却遭到拒绝，他都会从中获取关于自身魅力和婚姻地位的信息。而反复接收到这些信息，会在他心中留下伤痕。这伤痕不会流血，它会慢慢愈合。他在她面前变得沉默寡言，不再热情，不再投入。一个男人不再期待从曾经给予他温暖的人那里得到温暖，这种冷漠感让他显得麻木。她注意到了这一点，并称之为他的疏远。她告诉别人他很冷漠。她开始怀疑自己嫁的那个男人究竟发生了什么。 她没有将眼前这个冷漠的男人与多年来她不断追求却屡遭拒绝、最终在他们之间筑起的那堵墙联系起来。这堵墙是她一砖一瓦砌成的。如今，她站在墙的另一边，茫然不知它是如何形成的。而最痛苦的部分，也是每个妻子真正静下心来思考时都会感到无比痛彻心扉的部分，是在这个男人不再主动追求她、默默退缩的背后，依然存在着一个渴望被需要、需要被渴望的男人，不是因为他能提供什么，也不是因为他答应了什么，而是因为她选择了他，并且这份选择至今依然真切。这种渴望并没有消失，它只是潜藏在了地下。而婚姻中潜藏的渴望并不会就此沉寂。它会在疏离、怨恨和缓慢的情感消退中浮现出来，周围所有人都看得一清二楚，唯独妻子自己却浑然不觉。她仍在努力理解，为什么他不再是她以为嫁的那个男人。他明明就是她嫁的那个男人。她只是花了数年时间，让他明白，男人在这里是不受欢迎的。

 这就是为什么这种模式如此普遍，甚至在妻子真心爱丈夫的婚姻中也依然存在的原因。因为抽象意义上的爱和具体意义上的自私可以同时存在于同一个人身上。我今天描述的大多数妻子都真心爱着她们的丈夫。她们会真诚地告诉你这一点。她们是真心实意的。但是，这种爱无法延伸到日常生活的具体时刻。当她想要在争论中获胜的需求与他渴望和平的需求发生冲突时；当她想要掌控局面的欲望与他渴望真诚交流的需求发生冲突时，这种爱在那些时刻就不是爱，而是偏好，而她的偏好在那一刻占据了上风。

有些妻子秉持着一种框架，将婚姻关系视为一场资源有限的竞争。他得到的，她得不到；她付出的，她就失去。每一次让步都被视为失败，每一次克制都被视为自我保护。每次她给予他所需却未得到任何回报，她都会感觉自己在游戏中落后。她总是暗自盘算着，即使她自己不会这样描述。这种框架恰恰导致了我所描述的行为：唠叨，因为真诚的劝说让她感到脆弱；克制，因为慷慨付出让她感到失去筹码；把丈夫的需求当作讨价还价的筹码，因为仅仅出于爱去满足他的需求在她看来太天真，像是女人在不懂世事之前才会做的事。这不是智慧。这是婚姻中最昂贵的错误，因为这种框架从根本上就是错误的。婚姻关系并非零和博弈。你给予一个真正感受到爱与平静的男人，并不会削弱你，反而会让你倍增。 一个回到家寻求平静的男人，比一个回到家忙于管理的男人，更能将自己的内心带回婚姻。一个妻子真心渴望他的男人，比一个被训练成不再索取的男人，更能给予妻子更多。真正领悟到这一点的妻子们明白了一个根本道理：她们明白慷慨并非牺牲，而是一项回报最高的投资。她们的婚姻在外人看来轻松自在，因为她们不再把婚姻当作竞争，而是当作伙伴关系。

我想描绘两段婚姻。起点相同，丈夫相同，妻子不同。在第一段婚姻中，妻子以权谋私。当她得不到想要的东西时，她就拒绝给予平静；当她需要丈夫顺从时，她就拒绝亲密。她会审视自己的付出，确保付出永远不会超过所得。她很有策略，并认为这让她显得聪明。五年后，丈夫变得沉默寡言，这与他以往的性格截然不同。 他答应一些自己并不认同的事情，因为反对的代价太高。他不再像以前那样努力追求她，因为一次次的追求和拒绝让他养成了不愿主动的习惯。他回到家，只是机械地表现着自己在场，而他曾经真心投入的那一部分，如今却藏在他双眼深处，她再也无法触及。她看着他，却认不出他。她疑惑着究竟发生了什么。她告诉别人他变了。其实他并没有变，他只是适应了她。

在第二次婚姻中，妻子以慷慨为先。她给予他平静，并非为了奖励他的良好行为，而是因为她明白，他的平静是她真正想要的一切的基础。她慷慨地付出亲密，因为她明白，唯有自由给予的渴望才有意义。

她真诚地倾听他的想法，因为她明白，一个在婚姻中拥有话语权的男人，会始终投入其中。五年后，丈夫走进家门的模样与第一次婚姻中的他截然不同。 他的存在显而易见。他的动力也随处可见。他对她慷慨大方，无需她主动索取或讨价还价，因为慷慨是她所营造的环境的语言。她看着他，说自己很幸运。她找到了一个好男人。她并没有找到另一个男人。她用同样的素材，构建了一段不同的婚姻。男人本身并非变数，环境才是。而女人，无论她是否愿意承担这份责任，都是这个环境的主要缔造者。

我希望每位读到这篇文章的妻子在点击离开之前，都能好好思考一下。你描述的那个男人，冷漠疏离、心不在焉，即使就在你面前，也总是心不在焉。他其实是在用另一种方式传递信息，而不是用言语。很久以前，他就不再说话了，因为说话对他来说代价太大。他用他的缺席、他那独特的沉默、他身处婚姻却心不在焉的姿态来传递信息。

信息是这样的：你为他创造的环境让他无法全身心地投入。对于一个无法完全投入的人来说，他做出了唯一理性的选择。他维持着维系这段关系的最低限度，同时将自己残存的、无法被这段关系触及的角落保护起来。这不是他辜负了你，而是他在你构建的这段关系中挣扎求生。

问题不在于他发生了什么，而在于你是否愿意审视你所构建的这段关系，并决定重建它。 不是因为他值得，也不是因为这是一场交易，而是因为你真正想要的婚姻，在你不再斤斤计较的那个自己面前。

以和平与亲密作为筹码并非真正的力量。这是婚姻中最昂贵的短期策略。它只会带来当下的顺从，而随着时间的推移，怨恨也会悄然滋生。一个男人最基本的需求都被当作讨价还价的筹码，这种怨恨日积月累，终究不会永远沉寂。它有时会以喧嚣的方式爆发，更多时候则是悄无声息地消逝，最终，一个男人不再期待当初许下“我愿意”时承诺的家，而是选择无声地离开。理解这一点的妻子，选择慷慨而非筹码，选择真诚的伴侣关系而非操控，选择无私付出而非策略性地保留，她并非天真。在这场对话中，只有她运用了真正有效的策略。

我想听听双方的看法。男人们，这是否描述了你们正在经历或曾经经历过的某种境况？那种始终遥不可及的平静。 亲密关系不再是与生俱来的，而是需要你努力争取。你慢慢变成了妻子现在抱怨的那种疏离、冷漠的男人，却丝毫没有意识到是什么造就了他。请在评论区告诉我，不要愤怒，只需坦诚。因为正在阅读这些评论的男士们需要知道，他们并不孤单，他们没有疯，他们所经历的并非无稽之谈。

女士们，如果这篇文章中的某些内容让你感到似曾相识，我想请你们在反驳之前，先冷静下来思考片刻。不是思考他做错了什么，而是思考你们自己做错了什么。在把话题转移到其他事情之前，先让自己好好审视几分钟。这种停顿，这种愿意让真诚的话语沉淀下来，而不是急于回避的态度，是所有真正改善婚姻的开端。

我是（你的名字），我不会再回来发表那些别人不敢说的话了。