What should I do?

 I am 63 years old. I am single and alone. What should I do?

I share your frustration. I am 73 and in the same situation and have been for over five years now. I have hoped to meet someone at the gym, by doing volunteer work, at the weekly euchre tournament and at weekly team trivia all to no avail. And online dating has been very disappointing. The only women who show interest in me are all 20 years younger than me. They are just looking for a guy to take them places and spend money on them. I have already been there and done that. My last girl friend was 20 years younger than me. I met her doing volunteer work. She still had kids at home. I want an empty nester this time.

I recently saw a therapist about this. I told her that I felt like I was dying a slow death from loneliness. She suggested that I move back to the city where the odds are better. She also told me that the women that she sees over 70 have little interest in dating. They are predominantly widows. She told me that the women that she sees in their 60’s don’t talk much about dating. They are primarily concerned with financial issues and retirement. She says its the women in their 50’s that are interested in dating. They fear being alone and want to find a man while they are still young enough to attract one. This is consistent with my online dating experience.

Since you are only 63 I would suggest that you concentrate on the women in their 50’s. Give online dating a try but be prepared to be hit on by women looking for a sugar daddy. One woman I dated (two times) told me that she liked older guys because we treat women better than the younger guys do. She also told me that she liked older guys because our nest is empty. This means that we have more free time and more discretionary income. As to how to meet others that is up to you. If you live near a city (I moved out in the country four years ago) try a social site like meetup. Hopefully you will meet some interesting women in a non-dating atmosphere who share an interest with you.

But do not make the mistake that I made. Look now. Don’t postpone your search for a life mate by having a fling with a younger woman just living for today. Good luck

~•~•~•~•~•~

In my view you have to be comfortable in your own skin before you can be comfortable in someone else's arms.

A thousand plus upvotes for a large dose of wisdom in just one sentence!!!

You are a very wise cookie…

Thank you for the kind words. I'm 68 and lost my wife to end aortic aneurysm when we were 46. It took many years turn on this myself

Our greatest losses can teach us the most important lessons.

In my case, the greatest loss has changed me from a cheerful& positive person into a lonely stressed out& anxiety ridden person. Never ever did I expect this outcome

Hello there

absolutly, I am a recent widow, am not even looking for anyone , I am alone lonely at times, but its ok, I keep busy not interested finding anyone on line , I am friendly talk to people some days harder then others but I had a wonderful relationship nothing can even touch what I had. Just have to continue being positive and being grateful each day for what I have. Thats my simple answer I guess.

It's very hard to meet a decent man. Most want sex and no commitment.

I am very comfortable in my own skin

I'm 68 and totally understand. Only men that ask us out are way younger. It is lonely when we age. I'm not looking for a husband or for someone to support me. A best friend would improve life. Good luck to you. Loneliness has nothing to do with being comfortable in your own skin . I'm content with myself need no one but would enjoy a special someone.

Good luck to you too

I could meet you and see were things go

I think you’re a fool if you’re damn near 100 you have to spend and I’m young as hell baby by the time you get your age erectile dysfunction

Considering all of the views that I have had I guess that I was due to receive a comment like this. If you had taken the time to read my post you would have seen that I am 73 not 100. The day will come when you are old and you will have to deal with the disrespect of youngsters like you. Try looking for a more productive way to spend your youth on. Start by improving your sentence structure

How are you doing today

get a dog, or two if you can handle it……you need to take your mind off of yourself……you need to have someone to love and care for. they’ll bring you joy and make you laugh……and they won’t break your heart or leave you

Yes dogs love us unconditionally. I see my adopted daughter at least once a week and we always take her dogs for a walk

I can’t handle a dog. Xx

Then 2 cats, they're better.

Cats rule, dogs drool💯

I love the animals, but i could not stand them in my daily life. Cheers…

Exactly! X

Exactly x

Hello there

I feel like I am dying of loneliness too. I left it too late. 76 now and illnesses have become a part of my life now. Still attractive and vital, but need a hand to hold. Xxx

Too bad I can’t reach through my computer and give you a hug. I wish that I cold suggest a quick fix but I can’t. I am a volunteer driver for the local commission on aging. I deliver meals on wheels and drive people, primarily women to their medical appointments and then back home. You would think that we would have lively conversations during the ride but most of them spend the bulk of the ride on their phones despite my efforts to start a conversation. The therapist that I saw told me there is an epidemic of loneliness at all age levels. I honestly believe that a lot of us older people have become resigned to the fact that we are alone and don’t reach out when we have the opportunity. Currently, the only woman that I see or talk to on a regular basis is a 25 year old whom I refer to as my “adopted daughter” (long story). Good luck Pam

It is so sad that there are so many lonely elderly and other people that just cannot find a friend. The dating sites are big rip offs. They are all the same people on different sites but no one wants to take a chance at actually meeting someone.

I agree. A lot of my overtures to women online were never acknowledged

You have a good heart.

I'm 65 and married so loneliness doesn't apply to me but at this age, health is a major topic of discussion. My sister and I laugh about that because it's our world now. Join a chat group that will laugh with you. Facebook has all types of groups. Is there a just friends site? See where that goes.

If you can afford it, go on a river cruise in Europe. I met my incredible husband on the Danube. There are 30 single women to one man. These women are usually well educated and have enough money to travel. My husband just passed away, but we had 20 amazing years together. He was 66 and I was 62 when we met. Good luck!

Wow how romantic but I really can’t afford a river cruise. I live on a lake and I will settle for someone who will go kayaking with me and go boondocking with me in my camper.

That sounds like lots of fun. Now if you can just find someone to do it with. ❣️

I too suffered an overdose of Catholicism. I don't consider myself ultra-religious, but have joined a United Methodist church because I like the people there. I have a canoe, two kayaks, and a small camper. It would be nice to meet someone special.

Wait younger women want you for your money, but you have no money? Are you on here just messing with people?

Did u go w Viking? I took River cruise holland 2 Budapest was nice. I took my 19 son & also around s America. Then he said no more cruises w old people

How are you doing today

Gave up a while ago.only child..so more content by myself. But I raised family alone. Worked hard. Never remarried. Fostered and adopted several homeless for babies since family all grown up and relocated or passed away. I'll be 78 yrs old.

Read, watch youtube videos or enjoy nature … or volunteer at an animals shelter.

I'm never lonely. A relationship, in my opinion, is exhausting. Too much drama…or too clingy..and I don't have energy for that.

I isolate with my 2 sickly cats to get away from most human beings. I have to recuperate by myself. Most humans do not help my exhaustion or my health issues. Most are quite opinionated and loud. I prefer silence and peace.

Just my take. I'm content on my own…eking by…but good luck to those who are looking for a mate.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply

Looked into online dating but I just can't trust it. I guess I watch to many horror movies. I would love to have a companion to enjoy life with. Lost my hubby of 40 years and I know he wouldn't want me to be alone but here I am. Thank God for my doby. She always keeps me active.

I’m divorced and 70 and I live on my own. However I work part time and travel a great deal. I also have a dog that demands that I walk her each day. By keeping busy my social life has also expanded. I’m not sure I want a permanent relationship again but if it happens it happens. Life is short enjoy each day.

I think the best bet is to invest in making great friends of both sexes and not be lonely that way. Don’t count on one person to assuage loneliness. The couples idea is, IMHO, outdated and restrictive.

I have a sufficient number of friends of both sexes. But almost all of my women friends are married. I enjoy the company of all of them, but when we are done playing cards or team trivia or whatever, they go home together, cuddle up and fall asleep while I go home to my lonely place and hug a pillow. I would also like to have a traveling companion and sexual partner. And I don’t see how I can accomplish all that without being coupled

I'm 60 and single as well. As far as traveling, I do a lot of that with friends, sometimes other singles and sometimes with friends who are a couple. Also there are lots of tour companies that concentrate on groups of solo travelers. I have also had a lot of fun traveling alone and being open to meeting random people. I think part of the problem is almost a societal brainwashing that to be “complete” you need to be part of a couple. If you have an enjoyable evening with friends and then go home and are alone briefly before going to sleep, why does that have to be perceived as lonely? Why does sleeping alone have to be seen as “less than”? I mean, no one snoring, taking the covers, thrashing around and waking you up?? Lol. There are benefits too! Maybe the solution is changing the way you interpret the situation of being single and cultivating the meaningful friendships you seem to have!

I think cultivating friendships is the best way forward, continue mixing and finding groups to expand your circles. Church groups can be great and you don’t have to be religious. I have heard too many disaster stories about online dating I truly believe that can make things worse. Good Luck and also it’s said ‘ its good for someone to compliment us but we don’t need someone to ‘complete us’ We are unique and more than good enough.

But I miss someone snoring and stealing the covers. I snore too

😆

Count your alone time blessings. A dame has demands.

Good. Friendsl cone and go life long in our lives. Cheers…

Hello there

Hello there

Hello Lucy

Hi Lucy, hope you are doing well.

If you play golf or a sport then try that there are lots of women your age. My brother just lost his wife, he’s 90. He is planning on going to the Senior Center. They have Bingo, poker, exercise classes for seniors. It’s a great place and safe place to meet friends. It just takes one good friend.

No I am not a golfer. I tried it a long time ago and didn’t take to it. Bingo and poker don’t appeal to me either. I live on a lake and I would like to find a woman who will go kayaking with me. I am a volunteer driver for the local commission on aging. I drive “Miss Daisy” 3–4 times a week to the doctor or the grocery store and I enjoy it

You need to expand your interests. I am 70 and want to enjoy the years I have left. Sitting at home or hanging out in the backyard doesn't appeal to many women.

Very true indeed. It’s my experience too. As an avid gym going 59 year old girl I hardly see any suitors there. I’m however happy with myself and being alone but would not mind company and someone to entertain and be entertained with for the last leg of my life, well, the next 40 years!😀

I just turned 70 and know all about loneliness. I’ve never been good at getting women in my life. They always tell you that confidence is key. I believe that because I’ve never felt confident in myself when it comes to attracting someone of the opposite sex. I wish I had great advice to give you, but I’ve failed most of my adult life to find anyone. All I can say is don’t give up like I have. I live alone, never been married, and very few girlfriends. Keep trying because I’m proof that if you don’t try hard enough it will never happen and you will have regrets that are devastating and cause indescribable sadness.

I must confess that I am lazy when it comes to pursuing women. I have never enjoyed the chase, not even when I was young. You are probably attracting women but are missing their signals because you aren’t looking for them. I know that I have. Two months ago I was at a meeting for an anti-trump rally. We were sitting at tables in a large meeting room making our signs to carry at the rally and chatting. One of the women seated at my table asked me if I wanted a ride to the park that we were rallying at. I respectfully declined. Later at the rally she made a comment about me disappearing for a few minutes (I left the group to take a private phone) It wasn’t until I was on my way home that I realized what had happened. She invited me into her car even though had only met me about 30 minutes ago. And she noticed my absence from the group because she was watching me. I was hoping to see her again at a future rally but I haven’t seen her since. I had a similar incident with a woman who started to strike up a conversation at the gym. I haven’t seen her since. You must have friends who are women. Ask them for some pointers.

How are you doing today

How are you doing

Just enjoy it! I am 62 single and alone and have been the last 42 years. Enjoy your freedom to do what you want when you want to with nobody to answer to!

How are you doing today

hey there

most men wont date anyone their age they want the trophy woman and theyll get what comes with it being used

im financially independent as a woman enjoy my two homes and do what i want i find men want a nurse maid and someone to pay their bills no thanks im 65 my son is grown

Hey there

Most people of good health are still working at 63yrs. Still have time to cultivate friendship and partner.

Hello there

I recommend joining a local church near you. Most churches have a large singles community broken into age range. My husband and I met at a church singles group while we were in our 40s and they had an active singles group for senior singles 55+. Just a thought.

Thanks Shelley. That has been suggested to me many times. The problem is that I am not religious due to an overdose of Catholocism in my youth. I would feel like a hypocrite if I went to church

Try it again outside the catholic church. Focus on God and your relationship to him.Many good people within the church with a common intrest of serving the community and loving others to the knowledge of Christ.

Sorry that ship has sailed

Post your pic

Why?

That was good advice. I don't think anyone could top that. I just turned 61 three days ago, and apart from my mum, all my brother's and sisters and dad are deceased. I had a man in my life for 23 years and he passed from cancer 20 years ago. Another one died (3 years ago) but he was a 85 years old and a life time friend. I’d known him since 1986, so I call that a lifetime. Now I’m happy to be alone. It gives me time to get requainted with myself. I’m finding out that there is a lot of things I can do that I didn't know I could do.

When I get tired of myself, that’s when I’ll start thinking about finding another partner (or not). I think that sometimes some people are not meant to find that special person. I know one thing, I’m tired of saying goodbye and burying my family and friends. It makes me think that soon there won't be anyone left to attend my funeral.

Well, that’s a bit morbid so enough of that talk. Anyway, that was sound advice you gave out, and I hope all works out for the both of you.

Stephscheve from down under 👍 👍 👍 😁 😁

Get a cat

How are you doing today

I think timing is everything. I went on [POF] Plenty of Fish and met my husband. I wanted to meet younger guys than my age group so I shaved 10 years off of my age. I finally came clean. That was 16 years ago.

Hello there

Odds are very slim. They are slim for some 20 year olds even. Almost nonexistent at your age. I'm 65 and that's what I seen. Just the way life works.

Be positive!

I’m new on here, and I’m fun and nice 👍 to be with follow me please 🙏

Hello there

pretty much this is all true. I’m 75. the older people get they are concerned basically about their income. some have prepared but many have not, why the focus on financial matters. Also people start having health problems and don't feel well so have little interest. I really don’t trust finding people on internet. Best I think is in person, but yes it is difficult. I have resigned myself to friends and my family and if it happens great, if not, who cares? I think you need some friends .

I have enough friends but almost all of them are married. I want what they have. Is that asking too much?

I am also 63, online dating has been horrible. I met 5 different men and every one had some problem. One was 14 years younger than me and it just felt weird. I have been going to church at net some great people. Seems like all the good ones are taken ☹️

yes, online is been terrible Lol.

This is not an age thing. I'm 52 and the same. No one is going to save us unfortunatly. So we have to research. What's going on in your community? Could you qualify for a volunteer befriender? Someone that would come sit with you for couple of hours every week? Age Concern provide services like this. You could Google them. I am a volunteer myself. One of the ways I forced myself out there while recovering from ill health. One step will lead to other steps which will alleviate your loneliness. Which will also take up time that your spending in your head. Too much time triggers negative opinions about ourselves. Waiting to die makes a very long life. Get on the Internet and Google age concern for your area. Give people a chance. Give yourself a chance. Your still here and trying to make it better is more productive than just looking at all the things that are wrong. Take control of what you can by integrating in your community. It will be frightening at first but once someone speaks to you that feeling will go. Worth a try. A little bit of happiness is better than none. Loneliness is a silent killer. We are social animals. We are meant to socialise.

I am a volunteer driver for the local commission on aging. I drive 3–4 older people a week, primarily women, to their doctor appointment or the grocery store or both. Sometimes I spend as much as four hours with them. I also see one of my “adopted daughters” every week. I took her in when she aged out of foster care and gave her a home until she finished high school and joined the marines. She is now 25, engaged to be married, and she is adopting an infant boy so he doesn’t have to grow up in foster care like she did. She wants me to be his grandpa. So I am not totally alone. But a woman who is a kindred spirit that I can talk to, do things with and cuddle up and fall asleep with continues to evade me.

You sound like a very good guy.

You are a wonderful human being! Don't be down heartened. One day a woman you click with will happen. I'm sure of it. You got loads of love to give. .

Very well said, tha