Fauzella Sahabdin

Fauzella Sahabdin:

This will be a very long post.

The reason of Police officer Raja's death really really affected me.

It brought up horrible memories of me when I was in SPF.

Memories of which I have buried and refuse to think and speak about it to anyone cos it HURT.

I am not STUPID. If i can do a UOL degree which is a totally new major while in SPF, while pregnant, 2 days after I gave birth, i am NOT STUPID. But when In was in SPF, i was made to feel stupid. Because I was new.

I was only 19 when I joined SPF. I havent even graduate from poly then when i started my training. SPF was my first job. Before that, i have never worked anywhere as my dad didnt find it necessary for me to work. So SPF IS my virgin job and it still is.

When I got accepted in SPF, I was estatic. I told myself, im gonna work very hard. Im gonna try to make a difference in the society and everything else. I was very motivated. But little did i know, its the SPF ground team that needs help. Major help.

It was in SPF, i lost my motivation. I lost my self respect.

I had no clue of the system. I had no clue of working in the team. I was the 2nd girl in the team. The other woman officer was 4 years my senior. And the most junior officer before me came 1 year ago.

The 6 months I was there was HELL. HELL! It was

just insults after insults. Insults to my education. Insults to my sexuality. Degrading Name calling. I was called BITCH by a much senior colleague. I went into the female resting room toilet and cried for a few hours after that. Did he check on me? Nope. Did he apologise. Never!. Did any TL step in. NOPE.

I was labled as stupid. I was labelled as arrogant. Just because I wanted to go back home after my night duty and didnt want to go breakfast and I wanted to rest. How can i not be tired. Most of the patrolling work was thrown to me in the name of PROBATE. Yet when i wanted to go home, i was labelled ARROGANT.

Do u want to know that TL told me? "Fauzellah, i think i know whats the problem. U are just arrogant. The team mates wants to go for breakfast, u must join as we were all a team"

exposed to different challenges in their lives. Hence, they grow differently.

Now i have 3 sons. Daily i am teaching them not to be u.

I am one of the top henna artists in Singapore. I am damn good in my job. DAMN DAMN DAMN GOOD in my job. I have so many younger henna artists who have worked with me and wants to work with me. Im in the position where i can charge what i want and I can be an ASSHOLE if i want.

But i wont. Because my parents didnt raise me to be this way. Our religion didnt teach us to treat people like garbage. Infact our religion is all about the way we treat others especially people who are not on par with us.

NOTHING BELONGS TO US. EVERYTHING IS FROM ALLAH SWT AND IT WILL ALL BE TAKEN BACK WHENEVER HE WANTS IT.

I am nt doing this for publicity. Even if SPF is gonna invite me for tea after this, i will not go. Because if i do, im very sure, numerous people's rice bowl will be affected and nope i do not want that. I will not open their aib which Allah swt have hidden it. This write up is for me to share what I went through as T06099. And to tell everyone that YES THIS IS HAPPENING BEHIND THE CLOSE DOORS IN SPF NPCS AND THIS PRACTICE NEED CHANGING NOW!

But i wont. Because my parents didnt raise me to be this way. Our religion didnt teach us to treat people like garbage. Infact our religion is all about the way we treat others especially people who are not on par with us.

NOTHING BELONGS TO US. EVERYTHING IS FROM ALLAH SWT AND IT WILL ALL BE TAKEN BACK WHENEVER HE WANTS IT.

I am nt doing this for publicity. Even if SPF is gonna invite me for tea after this, i will not go. Because if in do, im very sure, numerous people's rice bowl will be affected and nope i do not want that. I will no open their aib which Allah swt have hidden it. This write up is for me to share what I went through as T06099. And to tell everyone that YES THIS IS HAPPENING BEHIND THE CLOSE DOORS IN SPF NPCS AND THIS PRACTICE NEED CHANGING NOW!

If u wish to SHARE this, please do. I pray this post can help those officers who are going through this pedicarment now to hold on and not do anything rash. Guys, if u r gg through this and u feel that its pointless to speak to anyone, resign. Leave. Just dont do anything rash. U can always get a job elsewhere. But your life, thats priceless.

In all of my shift, i was put down, insulted, called names, become the topic of the joke. Other officers from different team and npcs heard about what was happening and they laugh it off because THIS WAS THE CULTURE. They went through it during their time so now its my time.

So now u tell me, when this is the practice and culture, Where do i run? Where do i go? Who do i complain to? Everyone is practicing the same culture and no i dont want to kena MARK.

In 2008, things change. Management did some changes. So u see. Previously both TL and Dtls were SI and SSI. Now the TI must be an inspector a DTL is now the SSI.

So my Tl was a young Inspector. Inspector Jason Lim Chun Cheng. He was god sent. When he came into the team, everything changed. He was someone i confided in alot. He acknowledged everything that was happening. Whenever, he sees something was done unfairly, he stepped in. He changed that horrible culture. He couldnt change the older officers but he stepped in. Because of his rank, he could.

He is masyaallah. An examplary leader. Sir, if u are reading this, do know that, u have helped me at my most difficult stage in my life.

Sadly, Senior ranking officers stays in their post for about 1 yr and then they get transferred to a different post. 1 yr later, he was transferred to CID. When that happened, i was already completing my 2 years bond. I resigned after a while.

Cut the story short, Deputy Commander Desmond Choo who is a PAP MP now. Another god sent! He held on to my resignation and requested that I try out training brance. He said If after 3 months i am still firm in resigning, he will accept my resignation. I agreed. He transferred me to office hour Training branch where i stayed for 7 years.

Till today, when i look back and remember this time in my life, i tear up. The hurt is still there, very much. As i am writing this, i am tearing.

This traumatising experience had made me fearful for my kids. Everywhere my sons go without me, the

first thing that comes into my mind is "bully".

All i can say is.. irregardless of who u are, whether u are at the top, respect others. Like u, we are someone's children too. Like u, we have self respect and dignity too. You can be the most experienced then, but you won't be forever. You can be powerful then, but not all your life.

Don't. Don't drive people to the brink of madness just to feed your ego. Just to show others you are powerful. Don"t. You don't know what people can do in the name of desperation. Just because you are strong emotionally, others SHOULD be strong emotionally too?

( Original )

[ After proofreading, slightly corrected version for easy reading] : 

Fauzella Sahabdin:

This will be a very long post.

The reason of Police officer Raja's death really, really affected me.

It brought up horrible memories of me when I was in SPF.

Memories of which I have buried and refuse to think and speak about it to anyone because it HURT.

I am not STUPID. If I can do a UOL degree, which is a totally new major while in SPF, while pregnant, two days after I gave birth, I am NOT STUPID. But when I was in SPF, I was made to feel stupid. Because I was new.

I was only 19 when I joined SPF. I haven't even graduated from poly, then when I started my training. SPF was my first job. Before that, I had never worked anywhere as my dad didn't find it necessary for me to work. So SPF IS my virgin job, and it still is.

When I got accepted in SPF, I was estatic. I told myself, "I'm gonna work very hard." I'm gonna try to make a difference in society and everything else. I was very motivated. But little did I know, it's the SPF ground team that needs help. Major help.

It was in SPF, and I lost my motivation. I lost my self-respect.

I had no clue of the system. I had no clue about working in the team. I was the second girl in the team. The other woman officer was four years my senior. And the most junior officer before me came one year ago.

The six months I was there was HELL. HELL! It was just insults after insults. Insults to my education. Insults to my sexuality. Degrading Name calling. I was called BITCH by a much senior colleague. I went into the female resting room toilet and cried for a few hours after that. Did he check on me? Nope. Did he apologise. Never!. Did any TL step in. NOPE.

I was labled as stupid. I was labelled as arrogant. Just because I wanted to go back home after my night duty and didn't want to go breakfast and I wanted to rest. How can I not be tired. Most of the patrolling work was thrown to me in the name of PROBATE. Yet, when I wanted to go home, I was labeled ARROGANT.

Do you want to know what TL told me? "Fauzellah, I think I know what the problem is. You are just arrogant. The team mates want to go for breakfast, you must join as we were all a team. "

People are exposed to different challenges in their lives. Hence, they grow differently.

Now I have three sons. Daily, I am teaching them not to be you.

I am one of the top henna artists in Singapore. I am damn good in my job. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN GOOD in my job. I have so many younger henna artists who have worked with me and want to work with me. I'm in a position where i can charge what i want, and I can be an ASSHOLE if i want.

But I won't. Because my parents didn't raise me to be this way. Our religion didn't teach us to treat people like garbage. In fact, our religion is all about the way we treat others, especially people who are not on par with us.

NOTHING BELONGS TO US. EVERYTHING IS FROM ALLAH SWT, AND IT WILL ALL BE TAKEN BACK WHENEVER HE WANTS IT.

I am not doing this for publicity. Even if SPF is gonna invite me for tea after this, I will not go. Because if I do, I'm very sure that numerous people's rice bowls will be affected, and nope, I do not want that. I will not open their Aib, which Allah swt have hidden it. This write-up is for me to share what I went through as T06099. And to tell everyone that YES, THIS IS HAPPENING BEHIND THE CLOSE DOORS IN SPF NPCS AND THIS PRACTICE NEED CHANGING NOW!

But I won't. Because my parents didn't raise me to be this way. Our religion didn't teach us to treat people like garbage. In fact, our religion is all about the way we treat others, especially people who are not on par with us.

NOTHING BELONGS TO US. EVERYTHING IS FROM ALLAH SWT, AND IT WILL ALL BE TAKEN BACK WHENEVER HE WANTS IT.

I am not doing this for publicity. Even if SPF is gonna invite me for tea after this, I will not go. Because if I do, I'm very sure, numerous people's rice bowls will be affected, and nope, I do not want that. I will no open their aib, which Allah swt have hidden it. This write-up is for me to share what I went through as T06099. And to tell everyone that YES, THIS IS HAPPENING BEHIND THE CLOSE DOORS IN SPF NPCS AND THIS PRACTICE NEED CHANGING NOW!

If you wish to SHARE this, please do. I pray this post can help those officers who are going through this pedicarment now to hold on and not do anything rash. Guys, if you are going through this and you feel that it's pointless to speak to anyone, resign. Leave. Just don't do anything rash. You can always get a job elsewhere. But your life, that's priceless.

In all of my shifts, I was put down, insulted, called nicknames, and became the topic of the joke. Other officers from different team and NPCs heard about what was happening, and they laughed it off because THIS WAS THE CULTURE. They went through it during their time, so now it is my time.

So now you tell me, when this is the practice and culture, where do I run? Where do I go? Who do I complain to? Everyone is practicing the same culture, and no, I don’t want to kena MARK.

In 2008, things changed. Management made some changes. So you see. Previously, both TL and Dtls were SI and SSI. Now, the TI must be an inspector. A DTL is now the SSI.

So my Tl was a young inspector. Inspector Jason Lim Chun Cheng. He was god sent. When he came into the team, everything changed. He was someone I confided in a lot. He acknowledged everything that was happening. Whenever he sees something done unfairly, he stepped in. He changed that horrible culture. He couldn't change the older officers, but he stepped in. Because of his rank, he could.

He is masyaallah. An examplary leader. Sir, if you are reading this, do know that you have helped me at the most difficult stage in my life.

Sadly, senior ranking officers stay in their post for about one year, and then they get transferred to a different post. One year later, he was transferred to CID. When that happened, I was already completing my two years bond. I resigned after a while.

Cut the story short, Deputy Commander Desmond Choo, who is a PAP MP now. Another god sent! He held on to my resignation and requested that I try out training brance. He said that if after three months I am still firm in resigning, he will accept my resignation. I agreed. He transferred me to the office hour training branch where I stayed for seven years.

Till today, when I look back and remember this time in my life, I tear up. The hurt is still there, very much. As I am writing this, I am tearing.

This traumatising experience made me fearful for my kids. Everywhere my sons go without me, the first thing that comes into my mind is "bully."

All I can say is irregardless of who you are, whether you are at the top, respect others. Like you, we are someone's children too. Like you, we have self-respect and dignity, too. You can be the most experienced then, but you won't be forever. You can be powerful then, but not all your life.

Don't. Don't drive people to the brink of madness just to feed your ego. Just to show others you're powerful. Don't. You don’t know what people can do in the name of desperation. Just because you are strong emotionally, others SHOULD be strong emotionally too?