When children are criticised for something they have done wrong, it is not so much about the words being said, but more about the emotions they feel. Kids are driven by emotions, as I have said before. Do bear this in mind when correcting them.
Yet, I have often hear comments like, "He was born to be a nuisance", "She's so stubborn"' and "Nothing good comes from him", Such emotive statements are personal attacks; there is nothing corrective about them.
As mentioned earlier, be specific about the behaviours you want corrected. Personal criticisms are not only vague, they work up the child's emotions. No child will cooperate if they are being humiliated or ridiculed.
For example, if a child misbehaves, do not say, 'Bad boy! You shouldn't have done that." Instead, say things like, "When you do not listen to what I say and do things like that, it makes me upset."
When a child is being corrected, that itself is criticism. Hence, there is no need to add evaluative comments like, " You should have known better" or "I've told you hundreds of times!" Remarks such as these only cause resentment rather than induce cooperation.
To correct is to right a wrong, not to cause physical injury or emotional injury. That runs contrary to the purpose of correction. Being mindful of this principle will set you on the path of carrying out effective discipline.
Yet many parents often tell me that their child is different, and that they are at their wits' end. Despite repeated chidings, the offending act is repeated ad infinitum. Ad infinitum is a Latin phrase meaning "to infinity" or "forevermore".
What many of these parents fail to realise is that they often punish the sinner, not the sin. Correction is given without specific direction or actions, and emotional injury is caused through careless statements. As such, the act is repeated and the cycle goes on. It tires out both the child and parents.
To remedy this, do ensure that you point out your child's offending action or words so that he or she is clear about what upset you. Offer a specific alternative action; avoid evaluative comments. More importantly, end off with a positive affirmation -- that they are not bad kids.
Dadddy, please Develop a United Disciplinary Strategy with Mum.
(click here)
Yet, I have often hear comments like, "He was born to be a nuisance", "She's so stubborn"' and "Nothing good comes from him", Such emotive statements are personal attacks; there is nothing corrective about them.
As mentioned earlier, be specific about the behaviours you want corrected. Personal criticisms are not only vague, they work up the child's emotions. No child will cooperate if they are being humiliated or ridiculed.
For example, if a child misbehaves, do not say, 'Bad boy! You shouldn't have done that." Instead, say things like, "When you do not listen to what I say and do things like that, it makes me upset."
When a child is being corrected, that itself is criticism. Hence, there is no need to add evaluative comments like, " You should have known better" or "I've told you hundreds of times!" Remarks such as these only cause resentment rather than induce cooperation.
To correct is to right a wrong, not to cause physical injury or emotional injury. That runs contrary to the purpose of correction. Being mindful of this principle will set you on the path of carrying out effective discipline.
Yet many parents often tell me that their child is different, and that they are at their wits' end. Despite repeated chidings, the offending act is repeated ad infinitum. Ad infinitum is a Latin phrase meaning "to infinity" or "forevermore".
What many of these parents fail to realise is that they often punish the sinner, not the sin. Correction is given without specific direction or actions, and emotional injury is caused through careless statements. As such, the act is repeated and the cycle goes on. It tires out both the child and parents.
To remedy this, do ensure that you point out your child's offending action or words so that he or she is clear about what upset you. Offer a specific alternative action; avoid evaluative comments. More importantly, end off with a positive affirmation -- that they are not bad kids.
Dadddy, please Develop a United Disciplinary Strategy with Mum.
(click here)
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