If I could show you a way , with 100% certainty, to maximize the odds of your ability to change another
person’s mind, would you jump at the opportunity to
acquire these skills?
Take a deep breath, and consider these
words for a moment, because that’s exactly what I can do. But there’s a catch. Along with the skills you harness when you learn how to change minds comes a moral
responsibility. In the words of Franklin Delano Roosevelt,
Winston Churchill, and even Stan Lee (to mention a few):
*With great power comes great responsibility.*
Within the pages you are about to read, I am confident of two things.
First, you will find a process that is
repeatable, predictable, and allows you the best opportunity possible to change another person’s mind.
Second, you will find yourself in a front-row seat peering over a thin line that separates influence from manipulation.
At times that line can become so thin that the only thing that distinguishes one from the other is sheer intent.
It will be my job not only to show you how to change
minds, but to draw the boundaries between influence and manipulation.
To succeed in such lofty goals, this book will have to deliver on four separate fronts:
(1) It must be applicable to all,
(2) it must be ethical,
(3) it must be
measurable, and (4) it must be something you believe in.
*IT MUST bE APPLICAblE TO All*
After nearly three decades of teaching people to sell, and
transferring these skills to those who don’t necessarily sell for a living, I’ve learned that the topic of persuasion can create some immediate anxiety. There are two questions that
should be on your mind, to address right out of the gate.
The first is, Do you have to be a sales person to use
these skills?
It would be trite to repeat the words you’ve probably heard over and over again: “Everybody sells.”
However, for many who simply want to apply selling skills
to a child being parented, a cherished friend who needs to
change his or her ways, or a manager who wants to change the ways of the team, this question can be haunting.
The processes we will explain are demonstrably and
effectively used by professional sales people. However,
for decades I have conducted workshops and taught selling skills to NASA engineers, hostage negotiators, artists,
parent groups, and many more. Learning how to change other minds is not an exclusive skill available only to those who sell for a living. The act of influence has no boundaries.
The second question you should ask is, Do you have to possess certain natural skills to be effective at influencing others?
This question can be rephrased many different ways, for example, “Are you born a sales person?” or “Can
anybody do this?” But anyway you slice it, the question remains essentially the same: “Can I learn to do this?” If I
had a nickel for everytime I have been asked this question, well, let’s just say, I’d have a heck of a lot of nickels!
I didn’t know the answer myself until I was fortunate
enough to meet one of the greatest salesman who ever
lived. He wasn’t a big-shot author (a fraternity I know
all too well). No, he was a rather quiet, unassuming man
named Ben Feldman.
It’s *Just a Question of Style*
You probably haven’t heard of him either, so let me introduce you. In 1979, my first year out of college, and my first year with the New York Life Insurance Company, Ben led the industry in sales. Actually, it is inadequate to say
he led the industry. He dominated it, with a life time total of $1.6 billion in sales. Out of a pool of close to a quarter of a million sales people, the sales numbers of the top nine agents were fairly close to one another. Ben Feldman’s totals were triple those of his next closest competitor.
I had never met Ben, but I imagined him to be outgoing,
tall, and aggressive, with a big, booming voice. I guess I saw
him as a collection of every stereotype I had been led to
believe comprised an effective sales person. The day I had the rare pleasure of meeting this man, he changed my life.
Ben Feldman stood about five feet three inches, a somewhat large fellow, with hair a little like Larry from
_The Three Stooges_ , and he spoke with a heavy lisp—not quite what I had expected. Within seconds, however, I was drawn to Ben Feldman’s unique style.
He had none of
the more conventional strengths that we associate with his kind of success, yet he remained true to his style, used his
strengths, and was a giant in his field.
That was the moment I learned the most valuable lesson I would ever receive in my life regarding *personal style* . I could not be Ben Feldman, but I could focus on his technique and continue to ask myself, “How can I do that so it
sounds like me? ”What is my personal style? My strengths aren’t Ben’s strengths, but then again, Ben’s aren’t mine either.
Ben Feldman didn’t just inspire a 21-year-old kid trying to find his way in the world of selling, he inspired the world with one simple message: If you remain true to the unique
strengths you possess, and follow sound, proven techniques,
there is no style of communication that cannot be successful.
Ben Feldman passed away in the summer of 1994, but not without leaving us a few final gifts. Ironically, he did not leave much in the way of process behaviors (a series of predictable actions), behind.
His actual selling techniques were not well documented, and the rare speeches he gave provided more inspiration than instruction. However, in my
mind, his greatest gift may have been one he never
articulated. He taught us that if you *commit to your own personal style,* you can become as great as you want to be. “Can anybody do this?” Absolutely! The key is to separate style
from technique.
IT *MUST* bE ETHICAL
person’s mind, would you jump at the opportunity to
acquire these skills?
Take a deep breath, and consider these
words for a moment, because that’s exactly what I can do. But there’s a catch. Along with the skills you harness when you learn how to change minds comes a moral
responsibility. In the words of Franklin Delano Roosevelt,
Winston Churchill, and even Stan Lee (to mention a few):
*With great power comes great responsibility.*
Within the pages you are about to read, I am confident of two things.
First, you will find a process that is
repeatable, predictable, and allows you the best opportunity possible to change another person’s mind.
Second, you will find yourself in a front-row seat peering over a thin line that separates influence from manipulation.
At times that line can become so thin that the only thing that distinguishes one from the other is sheer intent.
It will be my job not only to show you how to change
minds, but to draw the boundaries between influence and manipulation.
To succeed in such lofty goals, this book will have to deliver on four separate fronts:
(1) It must be applicable to all,
(2) it must be ethical,
(3) it must be
measurable, and (4) it must be something you believe in.
*IT MUST bE APPLICAblE TO All*
After nearly three decades of teaching people to sell, and
transferring these skills to those who don’t necessarily sell for a living, I’ve learned that the topic of persuasion can create some immediate anxiety. There are two questions that
should be on your mind, to address right out of the gate.
The first is, Do you have to be a sales person to use
these skills?
It would be trite to repeat the words you’ve probably heard over and over again: “Everybody sells.”
However, for many who simply want to apply selling skills
to a child being parented, a cherished friend who needs to
change his or her ways, or a manager who wants to change the ways of the team, this question can be haunting.
The processes we will explain are demonstrably and
effectively used by professional sales people. However,
for decades I have conducted workshops and taught selling skills to NASA engineers, hostage negotiators, artists,
parent groups, and many more. Learning how to change other minds is not an exclusive skill available only to those who sell for a living. The act of influence has no boundaries.
The second question you should ask is, Do you have to possess certain natural skills to be effective at influencing others?
This question can be rephrased many different ways, for example, “Are you born a sales person?” or “Can
anybody do this?” But anyway you slice it, the question remains essentially the same: “Can I learn to do this?” If I
had a nickel for everytime I have been asked this question, well, let’s just say, I’d have a heck of a lot of nickels!
I didn’t know the answer myself until I was fortunate
enough to meet one of the greatest salesman who ever
lived. He wasn’t a big-shot author (a fraternity I know
all too well). No, he was a rather quiet, unassuming man
named Ben Feldman.
It’s *Just a Question of Style*
You probably haven’t heard of him either, so let me introduce you. In 1979, my first year out of college, and my first year with the New York Life Insurance Company, Ben led the industry in sales. Actually, it is inadequate to say
he led the industry. He dominated it, with a life time total of $1.6 billion in sales. Out of a pool of close to a quarter of a million sales people, the sales numbers of the top nine agents were fairly close to one another. Ben Feldman’s totals were triple those of his next closest competitor.
I had never met Ben, but I imagined him to be outgoing,
tall, and aggressive, with a big, booming voice. I guess I saw
him as a collection of every stereotype I had been led to
believe comprised an effective sales person. The day I had the rare pleasure of meeting this man, he changed my life.
Ben Feldman stood about five feet three inches, a somewhat large fellow, with hair a little like Larry from
_The Three Stooges_ , and he spoke with a heavy lisp—not quite what I had expected. Within seconds, however, I was drawn to Ben Feldman’s unique style.
He had none of
the more conventional strengths that we associate with his kind of success, yet he remained true to his style, used his
strengths, and was a giant in his field.
That was the moment I learned the most valuable lesson I would ever receive in my life regarding *personal style* . I could not be Ben Feldman, but I could focus on his technique and continue to ask myself, “How can I do that so it
sounds like me? ”What is my personal style? My strengths aren’t Ben’s strengths, but then again, Ben’s aren’t mine either.
Ben Feldman didn’t just inspire a 21-year-old kid trying to find his way in the world of selling, he inspired the world with one simple message: If you remain true to the unique
strengths you possess, and follow sound, proven techniques,
there is no style of communication that cannot be successful.
Ben Feldman passed away in the summer of 1994, but not without leaving us a few final gifts. Ironically, he did not leave much in the way of process behaviors (a series of predictable actions), behind.
His actual selling techniques were not well documented, and the rare speeches he gave provided more inspiration than instruction. However, in my
mind, his greatest gift may have been one he never
articulated. He taught us that if you *commit to your own personal style,* you can become as great as you want to be. “Can anybody do this?” Absolutely! The key is to separate style
from technique.
IT *MUST* bE ETHICAL
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