Lecturing does not work with children, whatever their age. in my work with at-risk students, I get feedback that lectures are seen as belittling and demeaning. Not only is the intended message lost in translation, but a different, unintended message is conveyed, with its own consequences.
In this context, a lecture is defined as ' a long, tedious reprimand'. The word 'tedious' in turn means, 'too long, slow or dull; tiresome or monotonous'. Get the picture?
Some parents are known to go on extremely long lectures. If here were a Guinness book of world records for such events, they would have broken in many times over. Sometimes the lectures and reminders of the bad behavior can go on for days -- what a waste of stamina and energy!
When it comes to getting a message across to children, keeping it short and simple (KISS) would be a good strategy. With the limited attention spans of children, lectures will be lost on them. You would have been tuned out quite quickly without even knowing it.
Keep the message concise, and as short as possible. Then it will pass through your children's brain filters -- that is, they might actually be listening to you.
Another critical point to note is that children watch what you do, rather than listen to what you say. Unfortunately, this seems to be a revelation, judging from the reactions I get at parenting workshops.
If you walk the talk, and model it for your children, that will be much more effective than a three-hour lecture. If you want them to be more responsible, you have to model responsibility. if you want them to be organized, you have to be a model of organization. If you want them to rein in their temper, you must be a picture of calm.
Another approach would be to ask questions instead of taking down. " What was going through your mind when you did that?" would be much more palatable than an accusatory statement. Or, " What can you learn from this?" will be more effective than "You should have known better."
Quite often, our disappointment and anger take precedent over actually correcting our children's misdeeds. Get them to talk more and listen to their response, so that real learning will take place.
Your Children are Human. (click here)
In this context, a lecture is defined as ' a long, tedious reprimand'. The word 'tedious' in turn means, 'too long, slow or dull; tiresome or monotonous'. Get the picture?
Some parents are known to go on extremely long lectures. If here were a Guinness book of world records for such events, they would have broken in many times over. Sometimes the lectures and reminders of the bad behavior can go on for days -- what a waste of stamina and energy!
When it comes to getting a message across to children, keeping it short and simple (KISS) would be a good strategy. With the limited attention spans of children, lectures will be lost on them. You would have been tuned out quite quickly without even knowing it.
Keep the message concise, and as short as possible. Then it will pass through your children's brain filters -- that is, they might actually be listening to you.
Another critical point to note is that children watch what you do, rather than listen to what you say. Unfortunately, this seems to be a revelation, judging from the reactions I get at parenting workshops.
If you walk the talk, and model it for your children, that will be much more effective than a three-hour lecture. If you want them to be more responsible, you have to model responsibility. if you want them to be organized, you have to be a model of organization. If you want them to rein in their temper, you must be a picture of calm.
Another approach would be to ask questions instead of taking down. " What was going through your mind when you did that?" would be much more palatable than an accusatory statement. Or, " What can you learn from this?" will be more effective than "You should have known better."
Quite often, our disappointment and anger take precedent over actually correcting our children's misdeeds. Get them to talk more and listen to their response, so that real learning will take place.
Your Children are Human. (click here)
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