If there is a common mistake that fathers and mothers tend to make in parenting, it is the error of making comparisons. in families where there is more than one child, comparisons are made with the younger or older sibling. For single-only-child families, cousins or children of friends are used as benchmarks, for want of a better term.
"Why can't you be more obedient like your sister?" may be a statement made with the best of intentions, but instead it fans resentment and jealousy. Children do not like to be compared; neither do parents.
The surest route to breeding jealousy is to compare. Since jealousy comes from feeling less than another, comparisons only fan the fires. ~ Dorothy Corkille Briggs
Rather than emulate their siblings , children who are being compared to others will actually do the exact opposite. They will strive to differentiate themselves from the object of comparison. In some cases, this could reach extreme levels. We all know what happens as a result of this.
Some children are informally categorized as "good" or "easy" while others are labeled as "bad" or 'difficult"/ labels are dangerous, and children who are labeled in comparison with siblings or others children will develop serious self-esteem issues. (click here)
To avoid comparing, fathers will do well to embrace diversity. Accept the fact that children will be different, and that each of them is unique in their own right, for better or for worse.
Once you, as parent, adopt a diverse mindset, there will be a reduced tendency to compare. you will be more accepting of your child's individuality.
Different children may have different ways of living up to their parents' expectations. Demanding fathers may want to be more forgiving of their child's transgressions. Some children may be more compliant, and others more questioning. Rather than treat the latter as being uncooperative and rebellious, consider using a persuasive instead of a coercive approach.
My friend's son falls nicely into the latter category. He had a tendency to move around while eating, and was warned by his father never to let his bottom leave the chair when he was being fed.
So he continued running around, this time picking up the chair so his bottom stayed on it -- which did conform to his father's rule. Nice one!
Understand Why Children Misbehave (click here)
"Why can't you be more obedient like your sister?" may be a statement made with the best of intentions, but instead it fans resentment and jealousy. Children do not like to be compared; neither do parents.
The surest route to breeding jealousy is to compare. Since jealousy comes from feeling less than another, comparisons only fan the fires. ~ Dorothy Corkille Briggs
Rather than emulate their siblings , children who are being compared to others will actually do the exact opposite. They will strive to differentiate themselves from the object of comparison. In some cases, this could reach extreme levels. We all know what happens as a result of this.
Some children are informally categorized as "good" or "easy" while others are labeled as "bad" or 'difficult"/ labels are dangerous, and children who are labeled in comparison with siblings or others children will develop serious self-esteem issues. (click here)
To avoid comparing, fathers will do well to embrace diversity. Accept the fact that children will be different, and that each of them is unique in their own right, for better or for worse.
Once you, as parent, adopt a diverse mindset, there will be a reduced tendency to compare. you will be more accepting of your child's individuality.
Different children may have different ways of living up to their parents' expectations. Demanding fathers may want to be more forgiving of their child's transgressions. Some children may be more compliant, and others more questioning. Rather than treat the latter as being uncooperative and rebellious, consider using a persuasive instead of a coercive approach.
My friend's son falls nicely into the latter category. He had a tendency to move around while eating, and was warned by his father never to let his bottom leave the chair when he was being fed.
So he continued running around, this time picking up the chair so his bottom stayed on it -- which did conform to his father's rule. Nice one!
Understand Why Children Misbehave (click here)
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