•"My child exists to torment me," a mother complained. It beguiles me that parents adopt such a belief -- that children deliberately misbehave. Nothing could be further from the truth.
That being said, children misbehave because of faulty beliefs. These are as follows:
• Attention. Children crave their parents' attention ; it's natural. Unfortunately, the ends sometimes justify the means, even if that causes problems for mother and father.
• Power. children sometimes engage in a power struggle with a view to getting what they want. For example, they might want to buy something and if their request is denied, they might resort to anger tantrums. in the ensuing argument, if Mother gives in to the request, guess who has the power now?
Solution: Mother could choose to ignore the tantrums and avoid being drawn into an argument. She could then allow time for her child to calm down before talking it out.
• Revenge. Some children might feel unloved or neglected, and seek revenge instead. For instance, they might falsely believe that their parents love a sibling more than them, and take it out on him or her.
Solution: Parents have to assure the child that there is no bias and that all siblings are loved equally. One father had a daughter (a middle child in the family) who was causing problems for her younger sibling. I recommended that he have regular father and daughter dates meeting to assure her.
• Inadequacy. A feeling of helplessness might plague a child, causing him or her to react in a way that may be deemed as misbehavior. For instance, struggling with a particular academic subject might cause a child to stop practicing or have anything to do with it.
Solution: Empathizing with the child's struggles and rendering help and support can resolve such feelings of inadequacy. A parent can encourage the child by acknowledging improvements, no matter how small and minor these may be. Be their cheerleader.
Use the Sandwich Technique of Constructive Criticism (click here)
That being said, children misbehave because of faulty beliefs. These are as follows:
• Attention. Children crave their parents' attention ; it's natural. Unfortunately, the ends sometimes justify the means, even if that causes problems for mother and father.
• Power. children sometimes engage in a power struggle with a view to getting what they want. For example, they might want to buy something and if their request is denied, they might resort to anger tantrums. in the ensuing argument, if Mother gives in to the request, guess who has the power now?
Solution: Mother could choose to ignore the tantrums and avoid being drawn into an argument. She could then allow time for her child to calm down before talking it out.
• Revenge. Some children might feel unloved or neglected, and seek revenge instead. For instance, they might falsely believe that their parents love a sibling more than them, and take it out on him or her.
Solution: Parents have to assure the child that there is no bias and that all siblings are loved equally. One father had a daughter (a middle child in the family) who was causing problems for her younger sibling. I recommended that he have regular father and daughter dates meeting to assure her.
• Inadequacy. A feeling of helplessness might plague a child, causing him or her to react in a way that may be deemed as misbehavior. For instance, struggling with a particular academic subject might cause a child to stop practicing or have anything to do with it.
Solution: Empathizing with the child's struggles and rendering help and support can resolve such feelings of inadequacy. A parent can encourage the child by acknowledging improvements, no matter how small and minor these may be. Be their cheerleader.
Use the Sandwich Technique of Constructive Criticism (click here)
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